Growing Up “Livia”

Chapter Three

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Written By:  Caina Q.  Fuller

 

“Livia!”

 

Livia looked up from her bloody sword and the body of the woman she’d just killed to find Cadmus riding toward her.  Behind him his wife Jara was riding her own horse, her belly swollen with child.  Livia had taken Ares’ advice and allowed the good-hearted soldier to marry the former harlot.  The god of War had sworn it would go a long way to keep his loyalty and to make him believe she was a friend.  Now they were barely a month away from their first child, and Livia was filled with disgust at the glances of gushy love they were constantly casting one another.

 

“Cadmus,” she said, her voice as dull and lifeless as her soul. Cadmus dismounted, a look of concern covering his face.  He seemed to be looking at her a lot like that lately, and Livia didn’t like it.  Not one bit.

 

Cadmus was studying the body of the slave woman on the ground, a disturbed look on his face.  “What happened here?”

 

“Does it matter?  What do you want?”

 

She was being sharp with him and unable to care.  She had been feeling particularly restless lately, and that feeling only worsened as they neared Rome.  Cadmus led her away from the body, and his pregnant wife, into the grassy fields in the distance.

 

“I’ll be right back Jara.”

 

“I’ll be waiting husband.”

 

Once they were out of earshot Livia stopped biting her tongue.  “You were soft before Cadmus, but she’s making it worse.  How long do you think you will stay in the service of Caesar with a child waiting for you in Rome?”

 

Cadmus sighed.  They’d had this conversation a million times already.  “You know I cannot leave the military without Caesar’s approval.”

 

“I also know you’ve already applied.”

 

His secret was out, and she could tell from the look on his face this worried him. Just how closely did Livia have her eye on him?  “How do you know that?”

 

“Keep your friends close Cadmus, and your enemies closer.”

 

“I’m not your enemy Livia.  I’m your most loyal soldier and-“

 

“If you’re so loyal why are you beating your head against a wall to get away from me?”  She was screaming at him now and this made him flinch away from her. Rightly so, as no one wanted to be the object of this woman’s wrath. What was wrong with her lately anyway? 

 

The answer came to him, quietly and with a surety like none he’d ever known.  “You’re afraid to return to Rome aren’t you?”

 

Damn him!  Livia thought to herself, turning away.  Damn him for knowing me so well. Damn him for his disgusting sense of humanity.   Damn me for needing him.  He was her compass.  He was the one she always went to when she needed to size up the enemy as the remaining five thousand men of the Alpha legion made their way back to civilization. 

 

“Livia, you saved us.  Had it not been for you we would have all surely died. Now look at us!  We’re returning to Caesar with the good news that we have crushed a resistance movement from one of her most persistent enemies.  Gaul.  We’re returning with over three thousand slaves for Caesar.”

 

“I’m also still a condemned woman.  I killed two commanders-“

 

“For the good of the legion.  For the good of Rome.”

 

Livia appreciated his efforts to comfort her, but she was still apprehensive.  “How is Caesar going to receive me?”

         

“What are you talking about?  You’re his favorite.”

 

“When I was six years old yeah.  I haven’t seen him since.  I haven’t even sent him a scroll in two years.  Caesar and I are stranger’s Cadmus.”

 

Cadmus squeezed her shoulder and she was disturbed by the warm feeling of…something she dare not put a name to, flooded her gut.  “That will only make him happier to see you again.  You know what my grandmother used to always say?”

 

No, and I couldn’t care less, Livia thought.  Instead of mouthing those words she only shook her head in the negative.  “Absence makes the heart warm for loved ones away.  He will receive you with open arms.  The question is:  Will you run a dagger through his heart when he does?”

 

Thinking his comment incredibly funny Cadmus laughed and began to make his way back to his pregnant wife. Livia watched him recede and not for the first time since she allowed them to marry, she wished it were her he was returning to every night from battle.

 

Just why is that? She asked herself, going back to her horse.  She rode to the head of the line where Lycus was leading the men, thoughts of her true motives for the emotions storming within her warring for victory in her mind.  Was it because he was out of her reach?  No, she thought, I could have him if I wanted him.

 

Perhaps, she continued to think, as she drew up beside Lycus, it was that same humanity she often claimed was making him too soft to be a Roman soldier.  Perhaps it was the love that was alive in his heart.  When he looked at her she saw a soul behind his eyes.  A soul that was good and gentle.   A soul she wished she possessed for herself.  Livia wondered, not for the first time, if she would ever feel again.  If she would ever know what it was to love like she did as a child when Ann would wrap her in her arms, or when Brigid would brush her hair and tell her scary stories of strange gods and monsters from lands far away…

 

“Livia?”

 

From the tone of his voice Livia could tell he’d called her name more than once already, and he was looking at her with confusion all over his face.

 

“Something wrong Lycus?”

 

“That’s just what I was about to ask you.”

 

“I’m fine.”  Her sharp vision noted an approaching rider.  “Did you send out a scout?”

 

Lycus shook his head, as confused by this as Livia was.  “No.  I have no idea who that is.  I’ll go meet him.”

 

“Don’t bother.  I’ll do it.”

 

Livia kicked her horse into a full gallop until she was close enough to see who was riding toward her.  He was Roman but she didn’t recognize him, and a tickle of anxiety stirred in her gut.  Who was he and what did he want?

 

He came to a stop before her and sized her up, not with a little lust in his eyes.  He disgusted her immediately, though his facial features were somewhat handsome.   “Who are you?”  She questioned.

 

“I am Cenon,” he answered immediately.  “Judging by your commanders uniform, you must be Livia.”

 

“I am.”

 

“Your reputation precedes you Livia.  Caesar has sent me.”

 

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In the quiet of the morning the guards standing duty outside Caesar’s chambers could hear the faint strains of passion coming from within.  They cast each other slightly embarrassed glances but said nothing against their lord.

 

 

Ghita planted soft kisses over Augustus’ chest, running a hand over his still muscled stomach.  She remembered how she’d been attracted to him in their younger years, but he’d always been out of her reach.  Her father had had a political arrangement with one of the many Senator’s and this had led to her marriage to Damen, a man she’d despised from the moment she’d met him.

 

Fortunately for her, Damen hadn’t cared much for her either, and he’d spent as little time as possible at home with her. They’d done their duty and produced three sons to carry on the line, but they’d never loved one another.  Instead, he’d become a soldier for Rome and had risen to the respectable position of Commander of the Alpha legion with dreams of the title of Rome’s Champion in his stubborn head.

 

While he was off fighting wars Ghita did more than raise their children and play the perfect wife. She’d made her rounds in the Senate, gathering favors that she’d used wisely to get her close to Caesar.  It had taken her years of hard work and effort, but she’d finally succeeded in winning a spot in Augustus’ favor and hopefully his heart as well.  He rewarded her with riches and her sons received an education and “lucky” breaks their father never could have provided.

 

Her only problem, up until nine months ago, was the fact she was a married woman.  She’d pleaded with Augustus to get rid of her husband so they could marry but he’d refused.  This made her wonder just how important, or rather, unimportant she really was to the mighty Augustus Caesar.

 

Now Livia, her love’s charge, had taken care of her little problem for her.  Damen was dead and the child-warrior had managed to wrest control of her dead husbands precious Alpha Legion away from the fool Acastus.  If the reports were accurate Livia had used the men of the Alpha legion to squash the Gaul resistance that had become Rome’s latest annoyance.  The people were cheering her name and Augustus was in high spirits to hear of her return to Rome.  Perhaps now that he was in a good mood, she would be able to plead her case to him once more and he’d be more receptive to hear another proposal:  Marriage.

 

“Every Caesar should have a wife.  Wouldn’t you agree my Lord?”

 

Augustus sighed, then began to chuckle with amusement.  “Damen is dead and you want to re-marry before a year has passed?  What would people think?”

 

“Who cares?  They have their minds on Livia now.  You need a wife.”

 

“For what?”

 

“Isn’t it obvious?  You need an heir and I can still bear children.  You’ve never been married Augustus.  People wonder if perhaps you’re perverted.”

 

This made Caesar laugh uproariously.  “Really?  If only they could see us together.”

 

She bit his ear, playfully but hard and they shared a short moment of laughter.  “Seriously Augustus.  I love you.”

 

“You love only three things Ghita:  Yourself, money and your sons.  That’s all.”

 

Caesar pulled on a robe and went over to the door.  As usual, he’d worked up an appetite with his lover, so he’d ordered ahead of time.  When he leaned out, one of his many servants was already wheeling in a feast fit for a man of his station toward his chambers.  After he ate, he planned to meet with his advisors and prepare the ceremony for Livia’s return to Rome.

 

He had mixed feelings about this.  Word had spread of that she’d killed the two top-ranking officers in the Alpha legion in order to take command.  He knew she wouldn’t have been so bold had she not had his favor.  Or would she?  He hadn’t seen Livia since he’d…allowed an innocent child to die in her place eleven years before.  The image of that girls innocent, tear-stained face as she’d seen her death come filled his vision. The silent pleas to him for help that had filled her impossibly large eyes still haunted his dreams.  He’d risked his life and his peace of mind to honor a promise to a woman he’d barely known then.  Would he do the same now?

 

“Augustus, I’d like to talk about our future.  Augustus?”

 

Ghita, Augustus thought.  Sometimes she could be so demanding of his attentions.  It was becoming more and more irritating as time went by, especially now that her husband was dead and she was pressing him for marriage.  More and more often he found himself asking what kind of an empress would Ghita make, and each time he discovered a new facet of her personality the less he liked the answers.  He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of giving her so much power over his beloved Rome.

 

“What?”

 

“You look a million miles away.   Is there anything wrong?”

 

“Other than your incessant proposals for marriage? I swear Ghita, sometimes I feel like your proposing a business deal more than a lifetime of commitment born in love.” 

 

Ghita gave him one of his favorite smiles. It was a look that transformed her aging face into something more devious and youthful.  He loved that look and she used it almost as a weapon to cut down his resolve not to commit to her a little more as each day passed by.

 

“Augustus,” she purred, licking his ear and neck in just the right places.  “You know I only want to support you.”

 

“The baths,” he said, almost breathless with new desire.  He didn’t have time for this so he extricated himself from her arms.  “I have business to tend to Ghita.  I will you see you in two days at the ceremony for Livia’s return.”

 

He’d thought he’d managed to escape any more questions from her, but he was wrong.  She had one more for him.  “Ceremony?  Why would you plan a celebration for a condemned woman?”

 

“Who said she was condemned?”

 

Augustus found the shock that claimed Ghita’s face almost comical, but he refused to allow a smile to creep onto his face. This was, after all, a serious issue to the woman who was making plans to become Rome’s empress.

 

“The law says she’s condemned!” Augustus watched her move her still firm body across the room to him with determination to have her way powering every step she took closer to him.  “Two things you should remember Augustus.  She’s a woman who has committed the crime of murder against a man.  That alone earns her a place on the cross.  Not to mention the fact that she was in service in the military and killed a superior officer.”

 

“Ghita-“

 

“No!  One of the men she murdered was my husband!”

 

Now it was impossible for him not to laugh. Who did this woman think she was kidding?  “You must think me a fool Ghita.  We both know Damen meant nothing to you.”

 

“I don’t believe it.  I mean I really don’t believe it!  You’re going to pardon that traitorous, murdering little-“

 

Augustus’ hand snaked out before he was even really aware what was happening.  She fell back onto the bed from the force of the blow, her words cut off before they could part from her lips.  He bent over her, using his larger body to remind her of who was the superior in their little arrangement.

 

“Don’t you even think of insulting Livia, Ghita.  Do you understand me?”

 

Ghita, back in her place, touched her stinging cheek.  She was so angry tears were welling up in her eyes, and she knew Augustus believed she was afraid of him. If that is what he believed, he wasn’t completely off base.  However, she wasn’t just another whore in his harem.  She did carry some weight, and she was already preparing ways in which she would throw it to get what she wanted.

 

“Just what is this girl to you Augustus?”

 

“She’s the daughter of a friend who saved my life years ago.  I sacrificed things you could never imagine, or appreciate, to keep her…” Realizing he was giving away too much, Augustus allowed his words to trail off and he stepped away from his lover.  “She’s more to me than anyone in this Empire.”

 

Ghita didn’t like where this was going.  Not at all.  “More than anyone?”

 

He looked her in the eye, driving his point home. “More than even you.  Now what do you have to say about that?”

 

Ghita wasn’t about to answer that question within range of his hearing.  She decided the best way to assuage his wrath and still have at least some of his favor, was to go along with him.  She took his right hand and kissed the Imperial Ring.

 

“I say, ‘Hail Caesar’.”

 

Satisfied with her answer, Augustus left the room for his baths.  He never heard the words that really came from Ghita’s heart.

 

“She won’t be in your favor for long Caesar.  Not as long as I have anything to say about it.”

 

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The city of Rome sat glittering like precious gems in beautiful velvet under the heavens that mirrored her.  Livia took in the site of the city she had pledged her loyalty to from the moment she’d been old enough to really understand such things.  She hadn’t even seen this place since she was six years old, but as she looked at her now her heart swelled with loyalty.  Since she’d been away from here she’d felt incomplete, but now that she was back she was whole again. 

 

What was even more difficult for her to believe was that somewhere in that great city waited an Emperor that welcomed her.  Try as she might, Livia was unable to remember the face of the man who’d taken her from that despiteful bitch Delphia and placed her in the waiting arms of the only real family she felt in her heart she would ever know. 

         

“I wish you could see this now Brigid,” she whispered, her words were carried away from her lips by the driving wind, but not before Cadmus heard them.

 

“Who’s Brigid?”

 

The larger Warrior was walking toward her now with a warm fur-lined cloak.  He was always thinking of her it seemed, and ways in which he could please her and make her more comfortable.  How, Livia wondered, could he do these things and not be in love with me?  He either wants something or…  She turned away from him but allowed him to wrap the cloak around her, and she was grateful for the warmth it brought.

 

“No one.”  She didn’t want to share with Cadmus her tragic history and she didn’t want put up with the feelings of exhilaration at his touch.   Jara, Livia decided, was one hell of a lucky woman to have this man loving her.  If only Livia could get rid of her somehow, then maybe she could win Cadmus over. 

 

No, that’s not what she wanted.  Cadmus was too soft inside.  He felt too much and cared too much.  He’d only make her as soft as he was, and she’d vowed the day she lost Brigid she would never allow herself to love again.  She didn’t need him in her life or her bed, distracting her with his constant speeches on mercy and love.

 

“Alright.  Are you excited?”

         

Livia offered him a derisive snort.  “Only fools and children allow themselves to become excited from little things like this.”

 

“Mmmm,” he said, nodding his head in agreement.  “Then when can a real woman allow herself to become excited?”

 

Cadmus turned her to face him and began to tie the cloak shut to keep the wind out.  As he did this, the roaring breeze carried his scent to her and with each breath she took he seemed to be invading her physically.  Her heart began to race again, especially as his fingers played over her breasts as they worked to fasten the cloak.  He was so masculine and hard at times.  That combined with his loving heart made Livia’s knees literally become weak with desire.  The fact that he was totally unaware of the effect he was having on her only added to the effect.  

 

“On the battlefield,” she answered aloud, but quietly she had more to say.  Or in bed.

 

When he’d finished with the cloak he slapped her roughly on the shoulders.  “There you go.  All done.”

 

Of all the soldiers in the Alpha Legion Cadmus had been the only one to never come on to her or leer at her, and of all the soldiers in the Alpha Legion he was the only one she wanted to do those things.  Like a fool she’d allowed him to marry Jara and now they were going to have a child.  She’d thrown away any chance she’d ever had with winning him into her arms.  He was an unfailingly loyal man and Livia knew he would never betray his wife.

 

“What?”

 

Damn! She thought, turning away from him.  He’d caught her staring at him and now she was horribly embarrassed.  She cursed herself for allowing that to happen, and she was ashamed she was allowing herself to play this childish game of crush-on-the-older-man.  She was young but she was a warrior.  She didn’t have time for this foolishness.

 

“Nothing. Let’s get going. It’s late and I’m tired.”

 

Livia pushed past Cadmus and mounted her horse.  She had slaves to bring before her Emperor and the city of Rome waited to greet her. 

 

The city of Rome never looked so beautiful as she did this night as Caesar had used his wealth to decorate her for Livia’s return.   He had ordered the streets lined with soldiers in full dress uniform standing at attention to salute Livia as she led the slaves into the city.  The citizen’s chanted her name and cheered, sounding like one living creature instead of the mass of mindless cattle they really were.  At first sight of the soldiers and the screaming people Livia had assumed she was under arrest and expected to be taken into chains at any moment, dragged away and tacked to a cross right alongside the resistance fighters she was leading into the city.

 

Then her ears adjusted to the cacophony of sound and she realized the words they were screaming weren’t for her blood at all.  Louder and louder the men and women chanted “Welcome home Livia, Welcome home Livia.” 

 

Pity her soul was so dead she couldn’t bring herself to be touched.

 

Sure she was relieved to find she was in no immediate danger of execution, and she could feel her heart swell with its usual arrogance, but there was no joy to the loving welcome she was receiving from the citizens of the most powerful country the world had ever known.

 

Cadmus and Jara rode up to her with smiles covering their perfectly handsome faces.  She knew Cadmus would be happy for her, but after some of the things she’d said to Jara, she was only bewildered with confusion at the look of selfless joy on the woman’s face on her behalf.  This only worsened when Jara mouthed the word ‘congratulations’ at her, knowing her voice would never reach Livia’s ears over the din of the crowd.

 

Livia and her officers followed the only clear path through the streets decorated with beautiful flowers, expensive tapestries and gilded torches until they arrived at the destination they’d been trying to reach since they’d defeated their enemies almost a year before:  the palace of Caesar. 

 

Though she hadn’t seen him since she was six years old and couldn’t readily recall the face of the man who’d taken her from Rome and abandoned her in the provinces to be raised by the god of War, she recognized which of the many man was Augustus Caesar almost immediately.  His eyes touched hers for the first time in twelve years, and the opportunistic bitch in Livia saw the lust in burning in them immediately.  She didn’t know what she had expected, but sexual desire was not it, and the same disgust that filled her when she had to deal with most men filled her belly once again.

 

Yet at the same time she knew that she could use this fools desires against him just as Ares had taught her from the moment she came into her incredible beauty only a couple of years before, and a smile that had struck fear into the hearts of hundreds of men and women as she prepared to send them into eternity graced her face.  The sight of it took hold of Augustus’ better senses and she knew it.  She also knew that once she had full control of him, she would have both of her feet planted firmly on the road to her ultimate dream:  The Empress of Rome.

 

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Augustus Caesar and his lover Ghita took up their position at the very top of the many steps leading into Caesar’s palace.  Though they kept a respectable distance from one another the Senators who were in the know shook their heads in disapproval.   As far as they were concerned Ghita was nothing more than a snake in the grass, and they had every right to feel that way considering she’d stung enough of them to weasel her way into Caesar’s bed.  Some of them had even taken bets as to how long it would take her to wear their Emperor down and he was standing here on these same steps announcing their marriage.

 

A low, steady rumble that was the conversations of the people below them filled the cool night air.  Augustus had made such a spectacle over her return from crushing a Gaul resistance and saving Rome’s elite legion from the inept leadership of whom he’d called two complete fools that the people had gone overboard with their attempts to out-do one another in welcoming Livia home. 

 

They’d spent money they didn’t have to decorate their hovels and shops to please a woman they’d never even heard of six months before.  Ghita was disgusted to say the very least.  Though she hadn’t loved her husband, she was angry that they had never honored Damen with such a grand welcome, especially considering he had dedicated more of his time and energy to Rome longer than Livia had even been alive.  Without knowing, or perhaps knowing but simply not caring, Augustus had brought shame to her and her sons by this spectacle in Livia’s name.

 

“Something wrong Ghita?”

 

Damn straight there’s something wrong, she said to herself.  Instead of voicing her real feelings Ghita only smiled and tilted her head to the side with a convincing look of innocence she’d never really possessed, even as a child.  She was, after all, a consummate actress.

 

“Not a thing my lord.”

 

He smiled in satisfaction and was about to speak again when it happened. The crowed began to roar in the distance with the chant Augustus had decreed the people were to use to welcome Livia home with.  It came like a tidal wave in the night, rushing to Ghita’s ears with frightening speed and making her heart race with anxiety.  Over and over again the people cheered ‘Welcome home Livia’, until it was a wall of sound that threatened to collapse in on her. She literally swooned on her feet for a moment, but the dizziness was broken by sheer resentment as she caught sight of Caesar’s profile.

 

She’d seen that look before, directed at her, but now Augustus was directing it at someone new.  That look was desire.  Pure, hot desire, and when her gaze followed his to the woman riding in at the head of the army and caravan of slaves, she understood exactly how he could feel the way he did. 

 

The girl was young true, but she possessed a beauty Ghita found almost as frightening as the wave of sound that had washed over them at her arrival.  She was perfect in every way it seemed, and as Ghita watched Augustus burn with lust for the younger woman, she knew she was watching any chance she ever had of becoming empress go down with the sun.  The jealousy and hatred that began to burn in her heart for Livia matched, if not exceeded, the lust that was so obviously burning in Augustus’ eyes for the young warrior. 

 

The girl has to die, Ghita decided, and soon. 

 

“Enjoy her while you can Augustus,” Ghita said, knowing Caesar could not hear her words for she couldn’t hear them herself in the noise that was being generated by the crowd below.  “You won’t have her long.”

 

 

 

A hush fell over the crowd as Augustus stepped forward and looked down at Livia.  She’d dismounted from her horse and was waiting to see if the message she’d received from Cenon had indeed been accurate. Part of her still expected betrayal from a man who was a complete stranger to her, yet at the same time held the power of her life and death in his hands.  At a moments notice she knew he could give the signal to have her taken into custody and imprisoned before she was publicly crucified for killing two superior officers.

 

An eternity passed by with nothing but a stare from Augustus.  Finally, when she could stand it no longer he held out his right hand to present the imperial ring.  Relief flooded through her guts, which were literally quivering with an anxiety like she’d never known before.  This was a sign of acceptance on his behalf, and it meant she was safe, at least for a little while.

 

The crowd began to cheer as Livia ascended the steps to kiss the ring.  She was receiving a welcome very few soldiers would ever have the honor of receiving.  The people loved her and Caesar blessed her.  Rome was quickly becoming hers. 

 

Livia came to a stop before Augustus and bent to kiss the ring.  “Hail Caesar,” she said.  To Augustus, who was the only one close enough to hear her in the din created by the crowd, her voice was deep and as smooth as oil. Her lips glistened in the light of the torches and he wanted nothing more than claim those lips in his own.  She had grown from a beautiful child into an impossibly beautiful young warrior that inspired within him a desire he’d never known.

 

Livia kissed the ring and as she did her hair fell over his hand.  This hid from the watching eyes of the Senators, and his lover Ghita, the way she seductively trailed her lower lip up his finger and took the ring in her lips, all the while holding his eyes with her own impossibly large ones.  She heard the moan of desire that involuntarily escaped the Emperor but had more success than Augustus in hiding her own feelings of disgust.  Men were all the same. 

 

Augustus pulled her to him, and Livia caught for the first time the older woman who’d emerged with him from the palace.  Livia didn’t know who she was but she instinctively knew the older woman hated her with a passion.  Livia pondered the identity of the woman, knowing that if she were Caesar’s wife word would have been sent long before now.  No matter, Livia thought to herself.  I’ll deal with her soon enough if she tries to get in my way of the throne.

 

Augustus turned her to face the cheering crowd then held his hand high in the air, calling for quiet.  It took a while but the crowd finally calmed until once again there was silence.

 

“Many of you,” Augustus said, his voice ringing out loud and clear, “are wondering who this young Warrior is to me.  I will tell you.  She is the daughter of a dear friend who died in battle to save me so many years ago. She has been gone from me all her life, but now she has returned.  While she was gone she has proven herself in battle. She loves her Legion but most importantly she loves Rome!”

 

The crowd cheered and Livia offered them a smile she did not feel.  Love, she thought bitterly. I haven’t known love since I lost my family.  She stood beside Caesar, playing her part and ignoring the pride in Cadmus and Lycus’ eyes.  She just wanted to be away from these people and alone to gather her thoughts.

 

Once Caesar calmed the crowd again, he continued with his speech.  “Now that Livia has returned home, I am complete.  Rome is complete.  We will spend the next ninety days celebrating her return with Gladiator games.  The very best from all the provinces have returned to die in her honor.  Long live Livia!  Long live Livia!”

 

The chant caught on like wild fire and it spread throughout the crowd.  They cheered her name until their voice shook the ground itself.  “Long live Livia!”

 

Augustus put an arm around her and led her inside to the relative quiet of the palace.  Only Ghita and a few of Caesar’s closest friends were allowed to follow inside as the heavy doors slammed shut, closing out the noise of the crowd.

 

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Livia lay down her eating utensils as she finished her meal.  The food was richer than anything she’d ever eaten, even at the academy, and she knew if she took another bite she would be ill.  The food wasn’t the only thing that turned her stomach as from the corner of her eye she watched Ghita watch Augustus stare at her every move.  The longer she was around them the more she was convinced the woman was every bit as dangerous and conniving as Livia could hope to be.

 

I suppose she is, Livia thought, considering she has more years of experience manipulating men than I have years being alive.   Ghita focused all her attention on Livia again, deciding to forget Augustus’ shameful display of youthful lust.

 

Ghita studied the young warrior in the light of the dining hall in a way she hadn’t been able to before.  She’d thought Livia beautiful and perfect at a distance in the dark, but up close Livia far exceeded her earlier appraisal.  The girls skin was bone white and without blemish.  Her veins ran blue and delicate beneath her eyes and around her temples, and her eyes…well.  Her eyes were the most captivating feature she offered, next to her pouty lips. 

 

Ghita had never been one for lusting after female flesh but even this girl aroused something deep within her that she dare not examine too closely.  Were she a man she knew she would have killed just to have this girl spit on her.  She was convinced now more than ever that she didn’t stand a chance of marrying Augustus if she didn’t rid Rome of Livia.

 

Having had enough of Ghita’s staring, Livia turned to confront her in the guise of casual conversation.  “Is there something wrong?”

 

“I beg your pardon?” Ghita said.  She took note of the heavy timbre in the girls’ voice.  How easily that could be used to drive a man mad with desire if used as a whisper in his ear.  This was a talent Ghita had never possessed herself, as her voice was pathetically high in pitch.

 

“You seem to be staring at me.  I thought perhaps something was wrong.”

 

“Perhaps, “ Augustus said, interrupting what could possibly turn into an ugly argument, “Ghita is as captivated by your beauty as I am.”

 

“Yes,” Ghita said with a smile everyone in the room knew was false.  “That’s it exactly.  You possess a beauty that is positively unearthly Livia.  Tell me, however do you manage to keep your skin so soft and beautiful while you’re out murdering your superior officers?”

 

“Ghita!”  Augustus said, his mouth all but falling open in shock.  The Senators had stopped eating and talking to watch the spectacle unfolding before them as Livia came back with her own biting words.

 

“That’s the trick darling,” Livia said in that soft, deadly voice.  “Blood nourishes the skin.  I recommend a good blood bath at least twice a week.  It’ll do wonders for those unsightly wrinkles that have taken hold around your eyes and the bridge of your nose.”

 

Never had anyone insulted Ghita to her face and as the men around the table, Augustus included, laughed at Livia’s insult she could feel her face turn red with shame.  This had to be the worst moment of her life, and as the rage within her threatened to explode she vowed she would make this insolent bitch pay for humiliating her in front of Rome’s most powerful men.

 

“I take it,” Livia continued, enjoying her victory, “that from the way your face has lined you haven’t done a lot of smiling in your life.”

 

“Time will undoubtedly tell the same thing of you young woman.”  Augustus heard Ghita’s voice shaking with rage and he knew this had gone too far.  The woman he’d taken as his lover could be very dangerous, and he didn’t want anything happening to Livia.  Not when he’d just received her back into his life.

 

“That will be enough ladies.”

 

“I have a question for my lord,” Ghita said, leaning back in her chair.  From the outside she seemed to be over her anger.  “What about the matter of Livia’s condemnation?  I’m sure these fine gentlemen would love to hear what you plan to do.  Wouldn’t you gentlemen?”

 

Damn you Ghita! Augustus thought, looking at the discomfort on Livia’s face.  The Senators had all turned to Augustus, their food all but forgotten.  This had been an issue since word of what Livia had done had arrived by rumor almost a year before.  By his own decree, any woman who committed the crime of murder against a man was to be put to death without trial, and any soldier to lift a weapon against a superior officer was to be crucified with the sunset the following day.  By killing Damen and Acastus Livia had committed those crimes twice.   Even he couldn’t simply pardon her for that.

 

Augustus sighed and folded his hands, putting on air of calm he was nowhere close to feeling.  “Livia did what she did for the good of the Legion.  Had she not killed Damen and Acastus they would have all perished.”

 

“Actually,” Ghita said, boring her eyes into Livia’s.  “She only followed Damen’s plan of attack. Rumor has it you picked a fight with him in order to prove your fighting abilities.  When he refused your demands to give you an assignment to ride with the cavalry you killed him.”

 

“Where did you hear that?” Livia asked.  She could hear the nervous undertone to her voice and she hated herself for it.  Ghita had heard it too and was smiling triumphantly.

 

“I was married to Damen when you killed him.  One of his most loyal friends sent word to me of what really happened that night.  He’d witnessed the entire thing.  Damen’s second in command,” Ghita said, turning to the Senators, “Acastus, took over and attempted to carry out the law.  This…girl worked with some dissident soldiers and overthrew him.”

 

Livia had had enough of her slander, though it was all true.  She stood from the table in anger and pounded her fist on the surface.  Ghita flinched back in fear despite her best efforts to maintain a brave face.

 

“I had to overthrow Acastus or the Alpha Legion was doomed.   He was a fool. So was your husband.”

 

The Senators shook their head in disapproval of Livia’s attitude and Augustus knew Livia was in trouble.  They would, he knew, stand together to enforce the law against her.  Not necessarily because they cared about justice, but they would do it out of spite for him.  He could see Livia had a healthy sense of pride and if she didn’t cool it she was going to get herself killed.

 

“Sit down Livia.”  Augustus’ tone left no room for debated and she grudgingly complied.  “The Senators are right.  Do you admit to killing Damen and Acastus?”

 

Why is he asking me that?  Livia wondered.  She looked at the faces of the robed men around the table and she would be damned if she would go down lying like a coward.  “I did.”

 

“Then you are indeed condemned.” 

 

Livia looked at him with wide-eyed shock and Ghita laughed out loud, believing she’d won.  However, Augustus wasn’t quite finished and his next words wiped the smile right off the older woman’s face and caused fresh hope to arise in Livia.

 

“I could have thrown into the dungeon until a cross with your name on it is erected in the public square, but I won’t.  I’m going to give you a chance to save yourself.”

 

“You can’t do that!”  Ghita said, feeling her victory slip away like an eel in water. 

 

“I am Caesar.  I can do anything I want.  Now sit back and shut up before I have you removed.”

 

If looks could kill Augustus would have dropped dead from the daggers her eyes were throwing at him.  “I announced the Gladiator games would be held for ninety days.  If you can survive a round of the games, you win your freedom.”

 

“That’s hardly a fair challenge my lord,” one of the Senators said from the far end of the table.  “She’s already killed two of Rome’s finest warriors.”

 

“One,” Livia corrected him.  “Damen wasn’t much of a challenge.”  She knew this was a lie but the helpless rage she saw it inspired in Ghita was worth the shame of a lie.

 

“That is why,” Augustus continued, “she will fight four of the best Gladiators in Rome’s service.”

 

This seemed to satisfy Ghita but it only served to stir up a feeling of panic in Livia.  Four gladiators at the same time?  “But…”

 

“I have every confidence you can do it Livia,” Augustus said.  He rose from his chair and the rest of the room followed suit.  “Dismissed. Except for you Livia.”

 

The room quickly emptied and Ghita was the last one out of the door with an arrogant swagger.  Once they were alone Augustus led Livia over to the window.  In the distance the Coliseum was a black mass blocking out the glittering stars of the heavens.  The streets were filled with the citizens of Rome celebrating Livia’s return.

 

“They’re all there, for you.  Ah, it’s been a long time Livia.  You’ve changed so much since we last saw one another.”

 

“As have you.”  Livia kept her tone neutral though she was urgent to talk about the fight he’d decreed.

 

“You’re anxious about the fight?”

 

“You read me well.  I don’t know if I like that or not.”

 

“Don’t worry Livia.  I’m sure you’ll do just fine.”

 

“Against two yes, but four?  I’m not so sure about that my lord.”

 

“If I thought you couldn’t handle it I wouldn’t have ordered it.”  He turned her to face him, the lust replaced with something softer and easier for Livia to stomach.  She remembered the tender expression in his eyes the day he’d saved her as a child, and she wished he’d never taken her to the provinces to gain a family that she would only lose.  She wished he’d taken her with him and raised her as a daughter.  Perhaps she wouldn’t be the cold-hearted monster she was now. 

 

“Thank you for giving me a chance,” she said, and she realized she was genuinely grateful to him for that.  He could have been weak and given in to Ghita’s wishes or the wishes of the Senate, but he hadn’t.  He’d stood up for and saved her life for the second time.

 

“Always.  You may not understand it now, but I would kill for you.”

 

Augustus’s words came back to her about her father. Now was her chance to find something out about her family.  She was filled with a sense of excitement she rarely knew since she lost Brigid and Ann.  “You said I was the daughter of a warrior that saved your life. What was his name?”

 

Augustus grew silent, and then decided a lie was the best thing now.  He could sense this girl had the tenacity of a bloodhound and he didn’t want her to be too curious of her past.  It could get her killed.

 

“His name was Xenas.  He wasn’t very well known, but he took an arrow to the chest that was meant for me.  I promised him I would take care of you before he died.”

 

“And you’ve done a fine job. What about my mother?”

 

“Her name was…” he wracked his mind for names from the stories he’d heard out of Gabrielle’s scrolls and finally pulled one out of the air.  “Her name was Callisto.  She died giving birth to you.  So you see, I’ve taken care of you from birth.  I’m sorry. I know you were probably hoping-“

 

“No.  I have long since given up on such things as hope.  Now if you don’t mind, I’m very tired.”

 

Augustus looked her body over and he wished he could take her to his bed, but he knew that would never happen. “I’ll show you to your quarters.  You need to rest for the games tomorrow.” 

 

******************************

 

Livia awoke the next morning to the smell of fresh fruits and vegetables and the sound of her new slaves preparing the outer rooms of her quarters.  She arose, feeling oddly calm considering she might not be alive to return this luxurious suite the next morning.

 

“Good morning my lady.”

 

Livia looked down on the petite raven-haired woman who’d been assigned to her.  She had the look of a woman who’d spent her entire life working day in and day out to cater to the great Caesar.  Livia wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to be in her position, and not for the first time she was grateful to be exactly who she was.

 

“Good morning,” she answered.  Her voice as calm as she was feeling.

 

“I have a bath prepared for you.”  The woman seemed fidgety, as if she were afraid of Livia.  Not that she shouldn’t be.

 

“Leave me.”

 

The slave scampered away and Livia began to undress.  She’d fallen asleep in her uniform and now she wanted nothing more than to finally be rid of it.  She’d spent the last year and a half of her life in that uniform, and now it seemed as if she might die in it.

 

She’d just allowed herself to relax in the water when the familiar voice of a man she hadn’t heard from in almost a year spoke from behind her.

 

“Amazing.  You actually made it.”

 

Livia’s lips curled into a feral grin.  “All without you.  I knew I wouldn’t need your help…Ares.”

 

Ares appeared before her, a wide grin covering his own handsome face.

 

“Come here,” she whispered to him seductively. 

 

Ares rarely obeyed the wishes of a mortal, but this time he did as instructed.  They met in the water in a passionate kiss that threatened to steal her breath away, and Livia loved every moment of it.  When they were finished kissing she eased away from him and reclined against the bath wall, staring at him with her impossibly large, blue eyes.  Were he a mortal she would have long since killed him for abandoning her.  However, he was her god and he had promised her absolute power.   She would give him time to live up to his end of the bargain.

 

“As long as you live up to yours.”

 

“Stop that,” Livia said.  The words came out more like a bark than anything else.  “I hate it when you read my mind.  My thoughts are my own and you have no business listening to them.”

 

Ares had always allowed Livia a certain amount of freedom to express her wishes, however he wasn’t going to allow her to disrespect him.  He used his powers to jerk her to him, though his hands never left the rim of the bath.

 

“You’ll do to watch your tone with me Livia.  I am your god, and you will respect me.”

 

“If you say so.”  She wasn’t about to give in now, considering she could be dead before the sun reached its Zenith that day.

 

Ares let go of her and she eased away from him.  “You’re worried about the competition today.”  He rose from the water and stepped from the tub.  When his feet hit the floor he was dressed and dry. How she wished she could do that so easily.

 

She followed suit and began to towel off. “I’ll do my best of course, but four gladiators are a lot different than four peasants or even four Roman soldiers.  These men spend their lives fighting to the death every day. I just don’t know…”

 

“You’ll do fine.  I guarantee it.”

 

The words should have brought her comfort, yet she felt only indignation that he planned to interfere in her fight.  “Ares, this is my battle-“

 

“One you’re going to lose if you don’t have some help.  Don’t confuse my motives for helping you Livia.  I have invested too much time and energy into you to allow you to die in the arena to satisfy a mob.  You will succeed in battle today and keep up your promise to me to rid Rome and Greece of the Elijan cult.  Do you understand me?”

 

Livia stared him over.  “Not because you love me.”

 

He laughed.  “I haven’t loved anyone since Xena died…Well that’s not important.  No, I’m not saving you out of love.  I’m saving you out of an interest for my own well-being and the well-being of the gods of Olympus.  I hate to admit it but each god serves a purpose to balance the other.  If they die we all will eventually become weak and die out.”

 

“What are you going to do?”

 

“You’ll see.”

 

With that Ares was gone and Livia quickly rushed to finish dressing.

 

******************************

 

In order to celebrate Livia’s return to Rome Augustus Caesar ordered ninety days of Gladiator games.  Livia would be the first warrior to fight in those games, against four opponents.  Ghita had been somewhat satisfied with Augustus’ challenge for the girl who was becoming a threat to her place in her lover’s life until she saw the four men that had been chosen to fight her.

 

To say they were scrawny and weak would have been the understatement of the century. The men were short and underfed, and they stared back at her with empty, glazed eyes.  She turned to the guard who’d escorted her to the bowels of the arena.

 

“Look at them. I could kill them in battle and I’ve never even touched a sword.  This is ridiculous!  Are you certain these are the men Augustus- I mean Caesar, ordered to fight Livia?”

 

Her guard only nodded a yes.  Well, Ghita thought, circling the men.  Will he be in for a surprise.

 

“Fetch my maidservant.  Now.”

 

“Yes my lady.”

 

The guard departed at her wish and Ghita made her way to the captain of the guard in charge of securing the gladiators and making certain none escaped.  She found him emerging from his office and she was just able to make out the form of a woman’s body in the back room.  He was covered in sweat and reeked of passion.

 

“For the love of Athena man, have the decency to clean yourself up before you return to conducting business!”

 

He gave her wicked grin and slapped her on the rear before he continued on to a table laden with fruits and cold water.  The day was unmercifully hot, especially with the crowded bodies of the fighters and the people pressed against the bars trying to gain a glimpse of their favorite gladiator.  Had they not known one another so well, she would have had him executed for being so familiar with her.

 

“You’ve got some nerve touching me like that Pendar,” Ghita said, watching him pour water over his sweat soaked head.  He laughed and looked back at her.

 

“You’ve become Caesar’s whore and now you think you have real power?”

 

His words made her burn with righteous indignation.  “How dare you call me something like-“

 

“What do you want Ghita?  I’m a busy man and I have a lot to do today.”