A Very Exhausting World

By: Emerald


One Day, Gabrielle was in Athens reading one of her Xena tales to the town's kids. All of a sudden she got to a part of the story she thought would be too intense for the little children - so she paused. She looked like a fool just standing there in the middle of her story not saying anything.

Kid #1: And?

Gabrielle: Um, So...Uh, Xena...Genius that she is, calmly told the men who she was, and the men began to say, "We've heard of you...Warrior Princess, right? " "Some call me that." said Xena.

Kid #2: Oh, Then what did she do?

So, Gabrielle went on talking about "Xena's Gabrielle Revised Adventure". Xena sat in the back of the hut smiling at Gabrielle the whole time. When the story was over, Gabrielle went over to Xena.

Gabrielle: I will never, ever let Joxer pick out the scrolls that I'm going to read to children again.

Xena: Oh C'mon Gabrielle. You saved it. How did you think up me talking the men out of fighting so quickly though?

Xena smiled.

Xena: I thought you were the bard in this group.

Gabrielle: Well, it's all part of being a bard. You have to think fast.

Xena: Aha. Well, I'll go find Joxer. You stay here until I come back, Okay?

Gabrielle nodded.

Later, Xena and Joxer went into the hut and found Gabrielle.

Joxer: Hello Kids! Joxer The Mighty is here!!!!!

Gabrielle and Xena looked at each other with amused looks.

Kid #1: Joxer The Mighty? Do you have an adventure story to tell us too?

Joxer: Um, No..Not...not yet.

Gabrielle: Oh yes he does. Joxer, tell the children about the time you switched personalities every time a bell rang...

Xena: Yeah, Or the time Gabrielle fell in love with you because of Cupid's Arrow....

Joxer: Uh, Okay?

As Joxer started to tell the children about the time Gabrielle fell in love with him, (because it was less violent and that's what he liked the most) Xena and Gabrielle sneakily walked out of the hut, waved good-bye and headed out on another adventure.

Gabrielle: How long do you think it'll take for him to realize we left?

Xena: Not long. Right now he'd be at the part of the story where you're struck by the arrow. Now he's going to glance at you, he notices you're not there. He checks the hut. We're no where to be found, and......

Joxer (heard in the distance) :Xena! Gabrielle! Wait! I'm coming!

Gabrielle: You are so good...

Xena smiled. Joxer finally caught up with the two.

Joxer: I see what you two were doing. You were finally going to leave me and let me live like a true hero...by myself.

Xena: Oh, Yea Joxer. That's what we were doing.

Gab: So uh, Why didn't you stay there?

Jox: Well, You see Gabby. Xena can't take care of you on her own...I mean, she needs a true hero around for when she needs to rest from the job.

Gab:  Oh I see,

Xena: Right Joxer.

Jox: Hmm, I smell trouble.

Xena: Joxer? Smells trouble? Really.

Xena and Gabrielle stopped in there tracks and let Joxer finish smelling trouble.

Gab: What is it Oh Mighty Man? (Sarcastically)

Jox: Nothing, I had you going there huh? You actually depended on me!

Gab and Xena exchanged blank looks.

Xena: The sun is beginning to set. We'd better head for camp.

Gab: We'd better, I'm beat.

Jox: I can fight a mountain right about now!

Xena: That would be easy, Mountains don't move.

Gab: Whoa! Xena finally noticed something about nature! Xena? You do realize mountains have nothing to do with blood right?

Xena: Run Gabrielle...Run Fast...A Fair Warning...

Gab had a weird look on her face and began running. Xena ran after her.

Jox: Okay! I'll find camp! Don't worry about a thing! I'll be fine!
Oh Jeez,

Gabrielle (while running): Xena! (laughing) Xena! I give up okay!

Xena: (also running) Fine! But I'm still going to get you back!

Both of the two stop running, Take a breath, and start to laugh at each other.

Gab: I can't remember the last time we had so much fun.

Xena: Yeah, We've never had a break from our work. Especially taking care of Joxer. 

Gab: Joxer...

Xena: Joxer...

Gabrielle and Xena together: Joxer!!!

At the camp Xena and Gab searched for Joxer. They found him dead. Dead asleep that is.

Xena: I found him, Over here.

Gabrielle: He's sleeping? Well, it is late.

Xena: I'm tired.

Gab: Me Too.

Xena: What do you say, we hit the sack?

Gab: It's a done deal.

Xena: G ' night Gabrielle.

Gabrielle: Night Xena.

Gabrielle and Xena fell asleep quickly. The next day, Xena was the first one up, Gabby the second, and Joxer the third.

Gabrielle: Tired, Very Tired.

Joxer: Ugh. He, Ugggh. Mmmmph.

Xena: Tired Joxer?

Joxer: Murfanly.

Xena looked at Gabrielle and spoke.

Xena: Could that be "Certainly" ?

Gab: Let me sleep! I have no time for question's right now.

Xena: Sleep. We've got nothing to do today.

All of a sudden, Callisto appeared smiling.

Callisto: Oh yes you do, Xena.

Gab: Go Away.

Callisto: Hello to you too Gabrielle.

Xena: What do you want?

Xena drew her sword and got in a fighting position.

Callisto: I can tell you one thing, I'm not here for that.

Xena: I wouldn't believe you for a second.

Callisto: Have I ever lied to you?

Xena: No, But anytime is a good time to start for you.

Callisto: Put that thing down.

Callisto knocked the sword out of Xena's hands,

Callisto: Violence. Such Violence. (Sarcastically)

Xena: What do you want Callisto.

Callisto: I wa--

Gab: I know what she wants. She wants to get a beating, I'm Tired! I'm mad! I have no time for Callisto.

Xena: Gabrielle is tired. You want something? Come back later.

Callisto: Farewell.

Callisto smiled and disappeared.

Joxer: What just happened here?

Xena: Take a wild guess.

Gabrielle was already snoring. Later in the day while Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer were walking through the forest to get to the next village, Callisto appeared again.

Callisto: Oh Good, You're up.

Gab: Shut Up.

Xena: Quiet Gabrielle. What do you want Callisto. Obviously it's important.

Callisto: Well, Like I said before, I'm not here to fight.

Joxer: Well that's something new.

Callisto lifted a finger, blew on it and sent a ball of fire to Joxer. It was about 15 more seconds until it would hit and burn him to death.

Gab: Xena! Do something! You're just gonna let him die?!

Xena: He'll be fine.

Callisto looked at Xena with an expression that said "Yo! Ain't ya gonna save the guy?!". Xena looked at Callisto with a look that said "I thought you weren't here for that, so I won't butt in.He'll be okay.".
All of a sudden Ares appeared in front of Joxer. When the fire ball hit, it hit Ares and Ares patted it out.

Ares: I refuse to believe you made no attempt to save Joxer.

Gab: I believe it.

Joxer: Hey!

Xena: I knew you were there.

Ares: Figures. You always know.

Xena: Heh.

Callisto: Yea yea yea back to me. Xena, he's here so I gotta make this quick. I need a favor.

Ares: No, Back to me. I need a favor.

Xena: So why are you asking me?

Gab: You both are way weird...

Callisto grabbed Xena's hand and they both disappeared into another part of Greece.

Xena: Where are we? Take me back!

Callisto: We're in Troy...No. I need a HUGE favor, he can't hear it.

Xena: Please Callisto. Ares is a God. He can hear everything. Now take me back to Gabrielle and Joxer!

Callisto: Bu----

Suddenly Ares appeared with Gabrielle and Joxer...

Ares: Xena-forget her favor...She took you away from your best friend, your horse, and the other thing that travels with you!

Xena: My horse! Where's Argo! She'll run away when no ones' with  her!

Ares and Callisto both disappear.

Gab: Where'd they go?

Xena: To get Argo. They both are trying to do things I would appreciate so I'd help them with whatever they need a favor for.

Ares and Callisto appeared again, Ares, frowning and Callisto smiling and holding Argo.

Callisto: Gotcha horse for ya.

Xena: What in Zeus name is going on?

Ares: Understand this: I got your best friend back AND saved Jerkster,

Callisto : Well, I was the one who saved your horse from running away, AND brought you to a prettier place...

Ares: Give ME the favor.

Callisto: Give ME the favor!

Xena: I'm not gonna give you any favors' guys..Unless I  know what it is.

Callisto: Help me!

Ares: ME!!!

Xena: That's the favor? What do you need help with? And why are you asking me? You're God's, help each other!

Ares: Uh, Xena? Can I talk to you for a sec? Yeah thanks.

Ares pulled Xena to the side.

Ares: Uh, Xena - See, we need help fighting each other, so we really can't help each other - Understand?

Xena: No, Why do you need ME to help you? Grab the Hind's Blood Dagger...and stab her. Or, maybe she should stab you... That would be helpful...

Ares: Xena,I'll do anything!We needed an army of mortals, because there isn't enough good or bad Gods to build an army with, get it?

Xena: Who else do the both of you have?

Ares: No one. That's why we came to you...you can beat an army, why not act like one?

Xena: Me? Be an army? What planet have you been living on?

Ares: Xena, you know you can do it...Callisto and I both want you. If one of us gets you, then the other would have to find an army which would be bad.

Xena: Why?

Ares: Because no army would want to go up against a God, and you.Now do you understand?

Xena: Yes...

Xena and Ares walked over to the others only to find Callisto at Gabrielle and Joxer's feet begging for forgiveness about killing Perdicas and asking to bribe Xena into giving her the favor.

Xena: Gabrielle couldn't bribe me for anything...

Callisto:Oh! Xena..Didn't see you there...

Callisto got up quickly..

Ares: Uh! Callisto! You're a discrace to the Gods!

Callisto: Oh Shut Up!

Ares: No!

Callisto: You are such a baby!

Ares: And you are a discrace to the Gods but I haven't said anything!

Xena: I've made a descision!

Callisto: What?

Ares: I'll do anything!

Xena: You're both going to find your own armies!!

Callisto: Okay, I pick you, Gabby and Jerkster!

Xena: Funny...

Ares: C'mon Xena! At this point I'm desperate!

Xena: Did I just here the word, "desperate" come out of the God of War's mouth while speaking to me?

Ares: Xena, please!

Xena: Today is a shocking day!

Callisto: Xena...I'll be nice enough to give you a choice - me, or death!

Ares: Don't kill her! She's a blessing to the world!

Xena: Don't even try it Ares..

Ares: Okay...

Joxer: Here's what I think-We pick who ever is the nicest.

Gab: Joxer, Come with me.

Joxer: Where are we going?

Gab:Where ever they're not.

Joxer: Where's that located?

Gab: Not here.

Joxer: Fine with me.

Joxer took Argo and Gabrielle took Joxer and they went into a hut to get some drinks...

Xena: Careful with Argo!

Callisto: Actually, I think Jerkster's right...I can be nice!

Ares: Right Callisto,

Callisto: I can!

Ares: I can be nice.

Xena: You're one to talk.

Ares: Watch...I can be real nice.

Ares took Xena's hand and transported his powers.

Xena: Oh my Zeus...Take these back! What's the point of helping you when I can kill her myself now?

Ares: She's all yours. But I want them back as soon as you're done.

Callisto: Excuse me! Take them back Ares! You can't do that! It says it in the"Being a God" handbook!

Ares: Handbook? I told you Callisto, Salmoneus cheated you! He wrote that the night he sold it to you!

Callisto: Oh...

Xena: Who cares, Ares...I don't want these powers! This is TOO nice.

Ares: I'm not sure if that was an insult or a compliment but okay...

Ares grabbed Xena's hand and took the powers back.

Xena: That felt kinda good knowing I could kill you in an instant Ares, Oh by the way, it was an insult.

Callisto: I can do that too!

Callisto took Xena's hand and gave her the powers.

Xena:You both are very kind but I don't need these.Oh this feels really nice but I don't want them.

Callisto: Whatever you want Oh Great One...

Xena: Shush.

Callisto: Yes Ma'am...

Callisto took back the powers...

Xena: If you come back tomorrow I might make a choice.

Ares: You heard her...Pack it up!

Callisto: We WILL be back...

Xena waved like a little schoolgirl...

Ares and Callisto disappeared

After a while Xena found Gabrielle and Joxer.

Gabrielle: Well? Where are they?

Xena: I made them leave...

Joxer: You mean they left.

Xena: Nope...I made them leave.

Gabrielle: Are you crazy?

Xena: No..But I'm happy.

Joxer: We don't care!

Gabrielle: How are we supposed to get back to Athens?

Xena: Like this...Callisto!

Callisto appeared out of no where.

Callisto: Yes Xena?

Xena: We need to get back to Athens.

Callisto: Whatever you say...

Callisto took Xena and Gabrielle's hands...Gabrielle took Argo's reins, and Joxer took Xena's leftover hand and they all were brought back to the middle of Athens.

Gabrielle: Callisto? Has Xena hypnotized you?

Callisto: No dummy...

Xena: That's it...my choice is Ares.

Callisto: No! I take it back...Gabrielle! You're an angel! Symbol of goodness! Sparkle in the Sun! Twinkle of the Star! Glare of the Moon!

Gab: I'm flattered. (Sarcastically)

Callisto: Anything else Xena?

Xena: No...Be gone.

Callisto disappeared.

Back in Aphrodite's Temple...Ares was there talking to Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: Lemme get this straight, your begging Xena for --- I forget --- Oh who cares! You're begging her for anything at all!

Ares: Yes, What's so bad about that?
I'm not gonna waste my time finding an army of mortals to fight "Callisto" I mean there all so afraid of her because she's new. I've lost my respect.

Aph: You still have you're respect. You've lost you're fear.

Ares: Can't I have a conversation with you with out you speaking?

Aph: But then it wouldn't be a conversation...Right?

Ares: Quiet. You're starting to sound like that blonde that hangs around with Xena.

Aph:You mean Gabrielle?

Ares: Must you speak her name?

Aph: I thought you had the hots for her.

Ares: Where have you been the last eight-thousand years?

Aph: What? What happened?

Ares: Ever here of Cupid's Arrows?

Aph: Now, that can't be true...

Ares: Incase you haven't heard, I'll explain...Cupid shot me when I was there by Xena and Gabrielle, Xena went to get a drink..And the first thing I saw was her.
Xena got Cupid to undo everything, which was way  against his will and bang here we are.

Aph: Thankyou for giving me that educational piece of information but I didn't really care.

Ares: Well now you know. Back to me and my problem. What will I do about Callisto?

Aph: Well, what are you two fighting about in the first place?

Ares: Things you wouldn't be interested in.

Aph: THINGS?

Ares: Yes, Two things, One Two, The second number.

Aph: What.

Ares: Godly powers, and respect.

Aph: What did I tell you about your respect? You still have it!

Ares: And Godly powers?

Aph: Oh please, you were about to give your powers away.

Ares: To whom?

Aph: Your mortal enemy, Xena.

Ares: I knew she'd give them back. I just needed her on my side.

Aph: Right, Right. Well, Sorry Big Bro, But I'm outtie!

After Aphrodite disappeared, Ares walked out of the temple to find Xena. As he was doing this he decided to stop for a little attack. Just as he was about to set a hut on fire, Xena kicked him in the back.

Ares: Oh, Hi.

Gab: Pathetic.

Ares: Shut up you little, blonde, brat.

Gab: The name's Gabrielle!

Ares: I know. But I don't like wasting my words on a little, pesky, dirty, fly.

Gab: If you don't shut your mouth  I will seriously kill you!

Ares: Excuse me blondy, but you just don't have the right things to that!

Gab: Well I can-

Xena: The both of you...I've noticed something.

Gab and Ares: What! (annoyed)

Xena: You two have been fighting much, much, more lately. Ever since that love disaster broke out.

Ares: I'm just glad that it's over.

Xena: You've never been glad about anything.

Ares: I'll pretend I didn't here that.

Gab: Moving on...

Xena: Moving on, Ares...you touch that village it's over for you.

Ares: Fine. I'll return when your not around.

Xena: Just try.

Ares disappeared. Xena and Gabrielle went back to Joxer and Argo.

Gab: Sometimes, he can be really annoying.

Xena: HE can be really annoying?

Gab: Yes, Ares, annoying.

Xena: Really.

Gab: Ya think Joxer, Ares, and all these other people like Salmoneus have daily meetings on how to annoy us today?

Xena: Anything's possible.

Gabrielle snickered.

Jox: Y'all talking about me?

Gab: I guess you could say that.

Gabrielle couldn't stop laughing.

Xena: You okay Gabrielle?

Gabrielle: I'm fine.

Gabrielle finally stopped laughing. Xena shook her head. Gabrielle took another look at Joxer. Again Gabrielle began to laugh.

Jox: What? What's wrong?

Gab: Nothing.

Gab got over herself again.

Xena: Look-only a couple more miles until the next village.

Jox: Good. I need a mirror.

Gab: You sure do.

Jox: What? What's wrong with my appearance.

Gab: I just noticed how silly you loo-

Xena elbowed Gabrielle in the stomach.

Xena: Shut up Gabrielle!...

Gab: Sorry.

Xena: Good.

Jox: I don't get you girls.

Gab: We're very hard to understand.

Xena: Very.

Jox: Jeez, Even Argo is a girl.

Xena: Don't tell me you just noticed that.

Jox: Xena, I've noticed that for about an hour now! Just noticed that,

Xena put her hand on her head and said "Oh Zeus."

Gab: Look-A little bit longer before the next town.

Xena: Thank Zeus. I can't take much more of this.

Gab: Neither can I.

Jox: Or me.

Xena and Gabrielle look at each other and shake heads. After a while of silence Xena, Gabby, and Joxer finally arrived at the next town. Xena tied Argo's reins to a tree and Gabrielle and Joxer went into a bar while Xena stayed outside with Argo to brush her.

Xena (to Argo while brushing her): Oh girl. What am I going to do?  Gabrielle and Joxer I know will have to find a way to have a screaming fight to annoy me.
Callisto and Ares. Oh, Callisto and Ares. Well, you know what happened. Look at me, I'm talking to a horse. If I talk to Callisto and Ares, a horse is the least bit strange. And No, Ares...I won't take that back...

Ares appears.

Ares: Why not? I'm not strange.

Xena: Take a good look at what you just said...

Ares: Oh C'mon Xena, you're beginning to annoy me.

Xena: Me? Annoy you? Ha!

Ares stood there looking at Xena.

Ares: Funny, Real funny...

Xena: I wasn't trying to be funny...I was being honest.

Ares: Ya know? I don't need your help. I can beat you and Callisto!

Xena: Fine.

Ares: Fine.

Xena: I know your weak spots. I've worked with you for years.

Ares: Yea, But I've changed.

Xena: Really.

Ares: Yea,

Xena: Hmmm,

Ares: What?

Xena: THIS still kills you right?

Xena pulled out the Hind's Blood Dagger.

Ares: Where'd you get that?

Xena: Who cares, It kills you, right?

Ares: Well, Yea!

Xena: Haven't changed much.

Ares: Okay, Now where'd you get that thing?

Xena: I've had for quite some time....

Ares: You have? Great! Now all we do is stab her and the respect is mine.

Xena: Oh no, I'm not giving this to anyone.

Ares: Fine, stab her yourself.

Xena: Are you crazy? I'm not gonna kill her.

Ares: Why not?

Xena: You ARE pathetic. Gabrielle was right. Make peace with Callisto.

Ares: I don't believe you would want that, See...I make peace with her, we team up, your dead.

Xena: I'd rather die than help you or her.

Ares: Then die.

Xena turned from Argo and looked at Ares. She stood there and looked at him.

Xena: Kill me.

Ares: You're tough to get along with Xena.

Ares disappeared. Gabrielle came out of the bar with Joxer.

Jox: What happened?

Xena: Ares was here.

Gab: Oh dear, what's wrong?

Xena: Nothing. But I think I know what I'm going to do.

Gab: What?

Xena: Trick them into making peace.

Gab: Xena, look!

Xena: What

Gab: Those people...aren't they from Athens?

Xena: Those kids! They were in the hut you told the stories in.

Gab: Why are they here?

Before Xena could answer, a young adult came up to Gabrielle and Xena.

Young Man: Hello Gabrielle, Do you remember me? I'm Raj, my little brother was in the hut you were in. You read your stories to him and a few other kids.

Gab: Hello Raj. Um, Why are all these women and children here?

Raj: Ares, he is destroying Athens. My father and other men are fighting him right now. We were told to come here. My 3 brothers and I are going back now to help with the fight. We had to escort the women and children here.

Gab: Xena, Ares is...well, you know.

Xena: Are your brothers and you going now?

Raj: Yes Ma'am. I want to ask if Gabrielle and you can take care of my family and the others.

Xena: Gabrielle can, I'm going with you.

Raj: No...You don't know the powers of Ares, Ma'am. He'll kill you.

Xena: Trust me, I know the powers of Ares. He can't kill me. He won't.

Raj: Oh but he will ma'am.

Xena: Please, call me Xena.

Raj: Xena!

Xena: Oh no.

Gab: Oh why'd you have to go and say that Xena?

Raj: The one and only Warrior Princess?

Xena: Yea, yea, yea.

Raj: So you CAN defeat Ares!

Xena: Of course I can, I'm smarter than him.

Raj: I hope.

Xena: Don't you worry.

Raj: I won't.

Xena: Good.

Raj: Well, C'mon...My brothers are over here.

Gab: Good bye.

Joxer: Where is she going?

Gab: To save Athens.

Jox (yells to Xena): You go girl!

Gab: Shut up Joxer!

Jox: Oh, Okay.

Over by the women and children...

Xena: So introduce me to your brothers.

Raj: This is Gedram, Emil, and Oren.

Xena: Nice to meet you.

Emil: And you...

Xena shook wrists with Gedram, Emil, and Oren.

Gedram (to Raj): Who's she?

Raj: She's Xena, Warrior Princess.

Oren: Warrior Princess!

Xena: Yes, Warrior Princess, Let's not make a big deal about it okay?

Emil: Alright Xena, here's the plan. We take Ares by surprise. Scare him, and we win.

Xena: You really haven't been around Ares much have you?

Emil: Well, no.

Xena: Didn't think so.

Oren: Well, it's not like you've been around him much either.

Xena: You've never heard of me huh?

Oren: No. And I don't think I've missed much.

Xena: Raj, come with me.

Raj: Yes Xena.

Xena took Raj to where Gab was standing before.

Raj: Yes?

Xena: I think you should talk to your brothers.

Raj: About what?

Xena: I just want you to assure them, that I'm not a threat, but I'm not going to do all the work for them either.

Raj: Why don't you do that?

Xena: Because I don't want them to think I'm not gonna do anything...

Raj: Oh.

Suddenly Gabrielle ran over to Xena...

Gab: Xena!

Xena: What, what is it?

Gab: I thought you were gone!


Xena: No, I'm here. What's wrong?

Gab: There's someone in the hut over there. She's sick.

Xena: So, help her.

Gab: I can't. She's from Athens. Burnt pretty badly. I don't know what to do.

Xena looked at Raj and then Gabrielle.

Xena: Gab, I...I have to help Raj. He could get himself and his brothers killed.

Gab: Alright.

Xena: Ya know what, No. I'm going to help that women Raj, okay? I'll be in Athens, in a little while. You and your brothers go.

Raj: Yes Xena.

Raj walked over to his brothers.

Raj: Xena can't come to Athens with us.

Oren: I knew she was good for nothing.

Raj: Don't say that, she'll come. But she has to help a dying woman.

Emil: Oren, Good for nothing? She's helping a dying woman! Good for nothing?!

Oren: You all are falling into her trap!

Emil: Trap?! You're going crazy Oren...

Gedram: Oren's right. Xena won't do anything. I'll bet you she doesn't even show up!

Oren: Right! She's probably working with Ares right now!

Raj: Don't talk like that you two. Xena is helping a dying woman Ares set on fire!

Emil: Exactly, you both should be ashamed.

Gedram: Please you two. She's probably killing that woman!

Raj: You have no right to speak like that about her Gedram!

Raj grabbed Gedram's arm and pulled it back behind his back and broke it.

Gedram: Ah, she probably put you up to that!

Xena ran up to the men and spoke

Xena: What is going on here?!

Oren: !@#$%^&*

Xena: Gedram, what happened to you?

Gedram: Raj broke my arm.

Xena: You boys have to learn how not to fight with each other during a war.

Oren: This war isn't between us and Ares. It's between us and YOU!!!

Xena had a blank look on her face.

Xena: Okay, My instincts are telling me I'm not quite welcome anymore.

Emil: Of course your welcome Xena, Oren and Gedram aren't.

Oren: I don't think so!

Oren jumped behind Xena and grabbed her neck. Then he started choking her. Xena kicked him off her body, she grabbed his arm and kicked him in the stomach. She went to kick him again, but he grabbed her leg and shoved her to the ground.

Xena: I have a whole list of reasons why you shouldn't have done that.

Oren: A whole list? Name 'em!

Xena: If you insist...Reason One,

Xena grabbed Oren's arm and swung him into a pile of horse manure.

Xena: Reason Two,

Xena took Oren out of the horse manure, and kicked him in the chin.

Xena: Reason Three,

She took Oren and picked him up. Xena threw him into Gedram. They both fell onto the ground.

Xena: Reason Four,

Xena grabbed Gedram and swung him around to make him dizzy. She then pushed him and he fell unconscious.

Xena: Reason Five,

Oren began to run and Xena threw her chakram and it hit the wagon in front him which cut the wagon and allowed all the hay to spill out over him. While he was trying to get out of the hay, Xena ran over to him and placed her sword on his head. She told him to freeze.

Xena: I don't usually get to Reason Six but when I do it gets REAL messy!

Oren: I give up, I'll leave, I don't want to die, I don't want to fight against Ares and I DON'T want YOU to kill me!

Xena: Then run.

Oren began to run as fast as he could.

Raj: Wow! How'd you do that?

Xena: Years and years of meeting people.

Emil: Whoa.

Raj: Amazing.

Xena: Enough. If we're going to beat Ares, We're going to have to leave now.

Raj: Okay.

Emil: Yes ma'am.

Xena mounted Argo, Emil got on his horse and Raj got on his horse.

Gab: Bye!

Jox: NOW where is she going?

Gab:To save Athens.

Jox: Didn't she do that already?

Gab: C'mon Joxer!

Gabrielle took Joxer into the hut. Back in Athens.

Raj: Emil, go look for father..

Emil: Alright.

Xena:  Raj, what are you going to do?

Raj: Look for Ares.

Xena: Oh no you don't.

Raj: Yes I am, I have a bone to pick with him.

Xena: If you go, I go.

Raj: Are you crazy? You'll die.

Xena: if anyone is going to die against Ares, it's you. Have you forgotten who your talking to?

Raj: No ma'am.

Xena: Let's go...

Raj and Xena rode off. Later, about an hour of looking, they stopped.

Raj: We've searched all of Athens, He's no where to be found!

Xena: He's here, He's just not showing.

Raj: Maybe he's chicken!

Xena: He's here. Ares, show yourself.

Ares appeared frowning.

Xena: Ares, Ares, Ares. What shall I do with you?

Ares: Xena, I swear. I didn't know it was gonna get that big!

Xena: Right. Right.

Ares: I swear!

Xena: And I'm Callisto.

Ares: It's happened before, it can happen again.

Callisto appeared smiling.

Callisto: Uh, Ares! Your a discrace to the Gods!

Ares: What would you know about Gods!

Callisto: I am one!

Raj: What's going on?

Ares and Callisto: Shut up!

Raj: Watch it! I'm with her!

Raj pointed to Xena.

Xena: He is, and you both better clean this mess up!

Callisto: I didn't do anything!

Ares: Yea, but you're my best friend! (says sarcastically)

Call: Xena!

Xena: Don't complain to me, your his best friend.

Call: Ugh, The things you'll do for a little help these days...

Ares and Callisto both started zapping things back to normal.

Xena: Alright men! Get your things, we're going to the next village where your children and wives are!

Raj: How'd you do that?

Xena: What? Telling the men to leave or making Ares and Callisto clean up?

Raj: Guess.

Xena: Well, they need me, and whatever I want them to do, they do.

Raj: Who?

Xena: Guess.

Xena smiled and they all rode off. Soon into the journey Emil caught up with Raj and Xena who were talking.

Emil: Hey Xena. I looked back and Athens is spotless. What did you do?

Xena: I told Ares to clean up. He found some help.

Raj laughed quietly.

Emil: What'd I miss?

Raj: Nothing.

Xena: Raj, you remind me of my friend Gabrielle when we were coming from Athens to this town.

Raj: I do?

Xena: Yea, It's funny. She was laughing at my friend Joxer and you're laughing at Emil.

Emil: You're laughing at me?

Raj: No Emil. I'm laughing because your clueless about what happened in Athens and I know exactly what happened.

Xena: Oh Raj, you're still not quite sure that what happened, happened.

Raj: But it did! I saw it with my own blinking eyes!

Xena: It could've been a hallucination.

Emil: Yea.

Raj: But, you were there Xena! You know exactly what happened!

Xena: I do? Hmm, didn't notice.

Raj: Bu--But?!

Xena looked at Emil and they both started to laugh and snicker.

Raj: Uh! You both drive me nuts!

When they finally got to the next village, Gabrielle was the first one to greet Xena, but not the only one.

Gab: Xena, What happened?

Xena: Well, I found Ares. He....he.....apologized.

Gab: APOLOGIZED?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Xena: Yea, I know. I found that strange too. But um, I told him to clean everything up. But Callisto stopped by. Somehow, I don't know how, but I got her to clean it up too?

Gab: Wow. They really are desperate.

Xena and Gabrielle went into a barn to tie up Argo.

Xena: Yes they are.

Gab: So, who ya gonna pick?

Xena: Gabrielle? I thought you knew me better than that. I'm not gonna pick any of 'em.

Gab: Then watcha gonna do?

Xena: I'm going to try and trick them into not fighting at all. Understand???

Gab: Yep. Now, How do you plan on doing that?

Xena: Well, first (Xena thought) yea, that would work. Next, (She thought sommore) That would probably work. Finally...(Again she thought) Uh-huh. Yep. That's it. That'll work. Okay? Got it?

Gab: Uh, No!

Xena: That makes two of us.

Gab: You mean you don't know?

Xena: Gabrielle, you know I would tell you the whole plan if I had one, but I don't.

Gab: Xena, you have to have a plan!

Xena: Sorry?

Gab: Well, if you don't think one up I will!

Xena: Go ahead.

Gab: But!

Xena: You offered!

Xena walked away while she said that. After that, an old woman came up to Gabrielle who had just heard that conversation.

Old Woman: Hi, you do know you walked right into that right?

Gabrielle stared at the woman. Back by Xena...

Xena: So, Emil...tell me about yourself.

Emil: Well, I was born in Athens, lived there all my life...and I'm going to, somehow, live here the rest of my life. But that'll be hard since I has to travel with my army.

Xena: I don't see an army anywhere.

Emil: I know..my army let me come visit my family, but I must return to them in a week.

Xena: Oh...

Raj came up to them.

Raj: Emil, Athens is ready...let's go home.

Emil: Okay, thankyou Xena, you were a great help.

Xena: No problem. Bye.

Raj: Goodbye Xena....Thanks.

Xena waved and found Joxer who was inside the barn with Gabrielle.

Xena: Well hello.

Gab: Xena, I asked the man who owned this barn if it was okay to sleep in here so we won't need to sleep with rocks for pillows. He said it was fine and we could use it for as long as possible.

Joxer: Good. Can I go to sleep now?

Gab: Ha! It's not even dark yet, the sun is still way up there!

Xena: It's been a long day, I guess we can rest a while.

Gab: I don't believe I've ever heard you say that Xena.

Xena: Well, believe it. We have nothing to do.

Gab: That's what you said this morning, and look what happened!We ended up, saving a village, having to choose which warlords to help kill each other, and now you're telling me that was nothing?!

Xena: Well, we did good, right?

Gab: I guess. I am sorta tired.

Xena: You two get rested, I'll be right back.

Gab: Okay.

Joxer: Bye Bye Xena.

Xena: And both of you, stay put.

Gab: Yes mother.

Xena smiled babyishly and left. As soon as Xena reached the river, she stopped.

Xena: Ahh, Fresh air ; No Joxer ; No Gabrielle... I can finally have some peace and quiet!

Then, Ares, didn't appear, he came out behind a tree looking like a garbage truck hit him.

Xena: What in tartarus happened to you!?

Ares: I lost.

Xena: Lost what?

Ares: Everything.

Xena: Apparently your mortal.

Ares: Is it that obvious?

Xena: Well, let's see, dirty hair, dirty clothes, dirty appearance. No, you can't tell at all.

Ares: So, don't you wanna know how this happened?

Xena: No, not really.

Ares looked at Xena obnoxiously. You know, that look your little brother gives you when you won't let him play with your toys.

Xena: Well, if it'll get you to stop staring at me like that, what happened?

Ares: Can't tell ya.

Xena: I hate you.

Ares: Nah, ya don't... You just can't stand me. I can tell ya. Callisto.

Xena: Don't say anything else.

Ares: Well I ---

Callisto appeared looking more beautiful then when she was a god, All her silver armor was gold, Her leather was shinier, and her hair was colored lightly blonde with some white.

Ares: Ouch.

Xena: Yikes.

Call: I'm guessing you like it?

Xena: I'm guessing you've gone mentally ill?

Ares: I'm not guessing at all. I'm laughing.

Call: Oh shut up you old mortal.

Xena: Stop it. What's with the clothes guys?

Call: I suppose having the power of two Gods must agree with me.

Xena: You've supposed wrong.

Call: You know. I'm not the one who needs the help anymore Xena. Go ahead. Help the old fool.

Xena: Give 'em back.

Call: Yes ma'a--- No!!! I've gotten used to following your orders...Not anymore Xena.

Ares: Uh, Stop her!

Xena: I can't.

Ares: Whadda you mean "You Can't"????????

Xena: I can't do it. I can't stop her.

Ares: What?

Call: You heard her! Unless of course, your going deaf. Old mortal!
Your a puny, worthless, useless, mortal like everyone else on earth! WORTHLESS!!!

Xena: Watch it, I'm a mortal...

Call: (smiles) I know...

Callisto disappeared.

Ares: Women.

Xena: Excuse me?

Ares: Well, it's the truth.

Xena: Your mortal now, I can kill you.

Ares: I can still fight you.

Xena: For about 2 seconds, yea.

Ares: I hate you.

Xena: No you don't. You just can't stand me.

Ares: Where have I heard that before?

Xena: Come on you old mortal.

Ares: Hey, c'mon now.

Xena: Ha. Let's go.

Xena started to walk and Ares followed her.

Ares: So where are we going?

Xena: To a barn.

Ares: A barn?

Xena: Don't go deaf on me old mortal.

Ares: Your starting to remind me of Callisto.

Xena: Don't say that...Do NOT say that.

Ares: Ha. Why a barn?

Xena: Because that's where you can find help.

Ares: Help for what?

Xena: Take a look at yourself.

Ares: Oh, that? That I can do.

Xena: Oh yea? Where.

Ares: In my temple.

Xena: You don't have one.

Ares: Of course I do, I'm God of Wa--- Dammit.

Xena: We're almost at that barn.

5 minutes later...

Xena: We're here.

Ares: I'm tired. I've never been tired. Uh-Oh...

Xena: What?

Ares: Gabrielle and Joxer are in there, right?

Xena: Yea, why?

Ares just moaned..

Ares:  They'll be going crazy.

Xena: Why? Because you lost your powers and now everyone with no anger experience will be going insane?

Ares: Yea, that's pretty much it.

Xena: When that happened, Your sword was floating off somewhere. No one had it. Now, Callisto has it...So, there IS a God of War, so no one will be going crazy. Exept now, there's a Goddess of War. Get it?

Ares gave Xena a blank look.

Ares: Sure.

Xena pushed the barn door open and grinned.

Xena: Enter...

Ares: Hmph.

Xena pushed Ares into the barn. There stood Gabrielle in shock. Joxer was sleeping. Xena walked right past them both.

Xena: Joxer sure is sleeping alot.

Gab: He should be glad to sleep through this.

Gabrielle whacked Ares in the head with her staff to make sure he was mortal.
Ares fell.

Gab: What a pity. Xena, why am I not going crazy?

Xena: Because there is a God of War. Just not Ares.

Gab: Who then?

Xena: Sit down.

Gab sat down and her eyes widened.

Xena: Callisto.

Gab sat and didn't say anything and Ares laughed quietly.
Gabrielle pushed Xena to the side and whacked
Ares again.

Ares: Excuse me, but it was funny.

Gab (ignoring Ares): Xena, just what do you mean "Callisto" is Goddess of War?

Ares: Goddess of War? that just doesn't have the "ring" that God of War has.

Xena (ignoring Ares): I mean Callisto stole Ares' powers. Now, Callisto's Goddess of War...and Ares is...is...that.(pointing to Ares)

Ares: Oh, Thanks.

Gab (everyone ignoring Ares): So what you mean is, Joxer and I, we won't be going crazy any time soon?

Xena: No, because there is a Goddess of War.

Gab: I see, so we can kill Ares now? Yay!

Xena blocked Gabrielle's swing to Ares' head with her staff.

Xena: No, we can't kill Ares. Sorry.

Gab: What?! Why not?!

Xena: Because we're going to help him.

Gab and Ares: What?

Xena: Help, H - E - L - P. Help.

Ares: Look, I don't need any help Xena. Especially not from you. It would ruin my reputation.

Gab: Good, then you can maybe start to get one.

Ares: Do these insults just pop out of your head or do you and Xena plan them?

Gab: Listen Bud (Gabrielle put her staff to Ares chest and pushed him onto the floor and whacked his head again) I don't need this right now, I'm in a VERY,VERY bad mood!

Xena: Gabrielle..

Gab (to Ares): And if you think, that I'm going to put up with this you are wrong, wrong wrong wrong!

Xena  (louder): Gabrielle...

Gab (to Ares): So you better wise up because my worst, and I mean WORST enemy is now the Goddess of WAR!!!!!!

Xena (screaming): GABRIELLE!!!!!

Gabrielle shifted her staff to Xena's neck and Xena kicked it out of the way.

Gab: Sorry Xena, I didn't mean...well, I.. I wasn't...

Xena: I know Gabrielle. It's okay. But you should sleep.

Gab: Right, sleep. Good idea.

Gabrielle laid down on the hay and slept.

Ares: Whoa. Does she do that every day?

Xena: Listen, Ares. I'm gonna need you to cooperate with her.

Ares: Ha, me cooperate with her??? I think it's the other way around.
You saw the way she..well...did something.

Xena: Really. What'd she do Ares?

Ares: She..she..she pushed me!

Xena: Why'd she push you, Ares? Because you kept making idiotic remarks?

Ares: Well,...

Xena looked at Ares and then at the slightly open door. Outside she could see that it was dark.

Xena: Goodnight, Ares.

Ares: Yea.

Xena fell asleep and Ares was up all night. The next day...Xena had waken up last this time and the first thing she saw was Joxer and Gabrielle looking at her from right above.

Xena: What?

Gab: You've never waken up last. Are you okay? What's wrong? Are you sick? Do you need water?

Xena: I'm fine! Why?

Jox: Just worried for ya.

Xena: Don't be. Move a minute.

Gabrielle and Joxer moved from Xena and she got up.

Xena: Where's Ares?

Joxer: I dun.

Gab: When I woke up he was leaving.

Xena: He was leaving...hmm, Did he say where he was going?

Gab: No. I don't think he even knew I was up.

Xena: Men.

Jox: Hey.

Xena: Problem?

Jox: No ma'am.

Xena: Good. I'm going to find Ares.

Gab: Okay, let's go.

Xena: No, you stay here and watch Joxer.

Jox: I don't need watching!

Xena: Right, Joxer...you watch Gabrielle.

Gab: What?

Xena winked at Gabrielle.

Gab: Oh.

Jox: Gabby, you heard her...Sit!

Gabrielle sat annoyed.

Xena: Goodbye. He's gonna get himself killed.

Gab: Wait, why do you want to save this guy? Let him get killed. Our life would be alot easier.

Xena: No, it wouldn't. If Callisto remained Goddess of War, think...She doesn't trust armies, so she would be killing all these people herself. Do you want the women feeling like you did when Callisto killed Perdicas as she kills their men?

Gab: Okay, I believe you.

Xena: Goodbye...

Xena left the barn as Joxer pretended to guard it. Gabrielle was really doing everything. Outside, Xena had gotten a little farther than the woods because she was riding Argo.

Xena (to herself): Oh Ares? Where are ya?

Xena could hear the voices of men in the distance, she wasn't sure of how many there were. They weren't on horses. So they were walking. Xena instantly dismounted Argo and grabbed her sword and held it in front of her. The second she saw the men clearly she put her sword away.

Xena: Hi boys.

Hercules: Hey..

Iolaus: Hi Xena.

Xena: What brings you here?

Herc: Well, we were in Athens, and we decided ---

Iolaus: I decided...

Herc: Iolaus decided we should go to the next town for sleep, This morning Athens was nice and clean the people say. But when we arrived it was a wreck.

Xena: I knew I couldn't trust them...

Herc: Who?

Xena: Well, actually, one person.

Iolaus: Who?!

Xena: Callisto.

Hercules and Iolaus groaned.

Xena: I know... Did you know she is Goddess of War?

Iolaus: What does that make Ares?

Xena: A mortal.

Herc: A mortal?!?!?!

Hercules and Iolaus started laughing at Xena.

Herc: Seriously, What does that make Ares?

Xena: A mortal, I swear.

Iolaus: Prove it.

Xena: Well, I'm trying to find him.

Herc: Can we help you look?

Xena: Sure.

Finally, they find Ares at a market. Hercules and Iolaus stare in shock.

Ares: What?

Xena: Where did you go? You know your not going to live out here.

Ares: I'm coming, I'm coming.

Herc: Whoa! Ares?! Is that you?! Are you really mortal?!

Ares: What; Yes; and...does it really show?

Iolaus: I can't believe it! This is sooo great.

Xena: Yea, you say that now, but wait until you see what Callisto is going to do.

Herc: What's she gonna do?

Xena: You can never be to sure with her.

Ares: Your tellin' me.

Iolaus: Who wants to know why I find this the funniest thing in the world?

No answers.

Iolaus: Oh C'mon.

Xena sighed. Ares growled. Hercules looked at the sky.

Iolaus: Fine, I guess none of you will find out.

Silence.

Xena: Well, let's go.

Ares: I can't take this. Why do you find this the funniest thing in the world?

Iolaus: Because without you being God of War, We're war free!

Herc: Clean your ears once in a while!

Xena: There IS a God of War. Exept, she's a Goddess.

Iolaus: Oh.

Finally, when the four get back to the barn, Gabrielle is sleeping.

Ares: Whew.

Herc: Where's Joxer?

Xena: Joxer!

Joxer came running inside with a basket full of eggs.

Jox: I have tomorrow's breakfast!

Gabrielle woke up and spoke with her eyes shut.

Gab: Xena, sorry...Joxer must have left when I fell asleep.

Xena: It's okay.

Gabrielle opened her eyes.

Gab: Hercules! Iolaus! Well Hi...

Iolaus: Hi.

Herc just nodded towards Gabrielle.

Gab: Oh, you found the nut.

Xena: Yes, I did.

Ares: I resent that.

Gab: Do I look like I care?

Ares: I still have chest pains because of you and your twirly thingy you call a staff.

Gab: Poor baby. (Sarcastically)

Iolaus helped Gabrielle up and they both shook wrists. They didn't say a thing to each other. Hercules pulled Xena over to the side so they could talk in private.

Xena: Yes?

Hercules: What's wrong with Gabrielle and Iolaus?

Xena: Well, after Cupid hit Ares, Ares kept making threatening remarks to Iolaus. So, Iolaus didn't want to put up with it and he stopped everything with Gabrielle.
After Cupid undid everything, Gabrielle was too mad at Iolaus to continue anything with him.

Herc: Why didn't they tell me anything about it?

Xena: Because you always switch things around and they wanted to stick with their decision.

Herc: Exuse me?

Xena: Well, that's what they told me.

Herc: Alright.

Hercules and Xena walked back over to the others.

Gab: I'm gonna go for a walk.

Xena nodded.

Gabby left.

Xena: Okay. I'm going to...um...find something to do out there.

Ares: Your not gonna spy on her are you? (Sarcastic)

Xena: Of course not.

Ares: Right Xena, tell the truth.

Xena: Well, I'm not going to spy on her........I'm going to watch her like a hawk.

Xena walked outside, jumped on Argo and rode off keeping a safe 30 feet away from Gabrielle. Inside, Ares, Iolaus, Hercules and Joxer sat down and sighed.

Ares: No, I'm not staying here with all of you. I'm going to get some clothes.

Herc: You have clothes.

Ares: nice clothes!

Herc: With what denars?

Ares: Two!

Herc: That'll buy you a fish head, Ares.

Ares: I'll take what I can get.

Ares was walking out the door when he saw Joxer's pouch. It was full.

Ares: Hey, Joxer...What's in that pouch?

Jox: Leftover change from the eggs I bought.

Ares: Can I see it? It looks very nice.

Jox: Well, Sure.

Joxer handed the pouch to Ares.

Ares: Thanks Jerkster!

Ares ran out of the barn. Joxer ran after him.

Iolaus: So, back to where we left off?

Herc: You are.

Iolaus: Huh?

Herc: Your back to where you left off.

Hercules immediately transformed into Callisto.

Iolaus: Okay, I know your not Hercules, but where is he?

Callisto: Tied up in Athens. And to think, I had to pretend I cared about you and Gabrielle breaking up. And I had to actually talk to you on the way here. I had to pretend to act like I was shocked to find out Ares was a mortal...Ugghhh!

Iolaus: C-Cal-Callisto?

Callisto: Yea?

Iolaus: I didn't recognize you, your, your, your beautiful!

Callisto: Flattered, really. Now, C'mon.

Iolaus: What? No! I want my friend back! Umm, Just where would we be going?

Callisto: To get Ares! I'll give you your friend back if you help me with Ares.

Iolaus: You ARE crazy. I think the powers got to your head. But they did make you look beautiful!

Callisto smiled.

Call: Thanks.

Iolaus: But I don't dare help you!

Iolaus kicked Callisto in the stomach but Callisto grabbed his foot. She spun him around and threw him into the wall. Iolaus got up and Callisto punched him in his mouth again. Blood poured from his face and body.

Call: Eeeeew!

Callisto kicked Iolaus in the head and he fell unconscious.

Call (to herself): Don't wanna help? Fine with me...

Callisto walked out of the barn. She made herself invisible.

She saw Ares walking in some nice clothes and Joxer running behind him still.

Ares: Oh here Jerkster, your change.

Jox: Oh thanks, 4 denars. I had 60!!!

Ares: Well, my outfit cost 56 denars!

Jox: I didn't give you permission to use them!

Ares: I don't care.

Ares started to walk but Callisto pulled him back.

Ares: Xena?

Call: Guess again.

Ares turned around and Callisto made herself visible.

Ares: What? You got what you wanted, now leave me alone. I have to go back to Iolaus and Hercules.

Call: Iolaus is , well, um, sick? And Hercules is tied up in Athens.

Ares: What? I was just with him!

Call: It was me, you idiot! ME! I was playing Hercules.

Ares: I should've known. He had your smart mouth.

Call: Remember, I can kill you now.

Ares: Eh, yea.

Suddenly Gab came up behind Callisto and tapped her on the shoulder.

Gab: This a private party or can I join?

Call: Gabby, If I were you, I'd go check on your little Iolaus.

Gab: Why.

Gabrielle grew anxious.

Call: Just trust me.

Gabrielle ran to the barn and Callisto spoke to Ares.

Call: I'll be back.

Callisto disappeared and Ares ran after Gabrielle who was already in the barn with Joxer.

Gab: Iolaus...Iolaus?...Iolaus!

Jox: Gabrielle, he's...he's --

Ares: He's not dead. Callisto wouldn't kill him if it wasn't in front of anyone.

Gab: Shut up. You should not be talking about her. You should not even be talking. YOU should be dead!

Gabrielle grabbed her staff and hit Ares in the mouth with it. She knocked him over and kept hitting him over and over. Like she was taking all her anger out on him for what Callisto did to Iolaus and also what she did to Perdicas. Gabrielle had never been so violent while just fighting. She then kicked Ares onto the floor and knocked him in the face with her staff. Gabrielle took a look at Ares and realized since he was unconscious also that she might have killed him.She fainted.
Joxer walked over to Gabrielle and ran to find Xena. He explained what Callisto had told Ares about being Herc and he explained while they were running on Argo what Gabrielle had done to Ares because of what Callisto did to Iolaus. As Xena looked at Gabrielle, Ares, and Iolaus on the floor she started to cry. We've never seen this woman cry. But she did now. Mostly for Gabrielle.

Jox: Don't worry Xena, Gabrielle has just fainted. I saw her.

Xena: Yes I know; But I'm sorry for her. I know exactly why she fainted. She thought she killed him.   

Jox: Did she?

Xena knelt down and felt Ares' pulse.

Xena: No. He's very much alive. Pretty soar but alive.

Jox: And Iolaus?

Xena knelt over by Iolaus.

Xena: He'll be lucky to survive the night. But he's alive now.

Gabrielle opened one eye, then the other. She got up after a few minutes.

Xena was still crying out loud. She ran to Gabrielle and hugged her.

Gab: Is he...dead?

Xena: Which he?

Gab: Both.

Xena: Ares is alive. Very alive.

Gab: And Iolaus?

Xena: He'll make it if we really help him out.

Gab: Where is Hercules?

Xena was still crying but softer. She and Joxer explained everything.
Later,Gabrielle went out into the town just as the sky was a slate blue to find a horse. It was getting chilly out so she stopped in a bar to get something to eat. The warmth of the hut made her feel comfortable and she wasn't in a hurry to leave. But she knew the barn would be nice and cozy to the point where she'd be allowed to sleep on her fur blankets. Just the thought of the warmth and coziness in the barn made her tired. Then she realized she had to go outside and face the coldness again to find a horse for Joxer and herself. As she ate her sandwich she looked out the window. It was just about to snow. She finished her sandwitch and walked outside.

Gab (to herself): Brrr. It's freezing, and snowing. and yet it was such a wonderful day today. Horse, horse, where is there a horse and why did I volunteer to go out in this freezing weather? Horse, horse, Horse! Over there by that man.

Gabrielle trotted over to the man who was tying his horse up with a bunch of others in the stable.

Gab: Excuse me sir, how much do you want for that horse?

Man: Hello, call me Idase. This horse isn't for sale. But my others are, 3 are left.
Bendian, Cogey, and Fabiano.

Gab: How much is Fabiano? I'll take him.

Idase: 103 denars. Do you have enough?

Gab: And much more, Idase.

So, Gabrielle walked home on Fabiano. When she got to the barn, she tied Fabiano up next to Argo and instantly fell asleep near Iolaus so she would hear him if he woke up. Like the others, Gabrielle slept all night. The next day, when she woke up, Xena and Joxer were there. Joxer was still sleeping. Xena was polishing her sword.
 
Gab: Morning.
 
Xena: Morning sleepy head.
 
Gab: Did anyone wake up yet?
 
Xena: No, Just you and I.
 
Gab: Alright.
 
Xena: I did everything I could to help Iolaus...but...nothing.
 
Gab: Okay...He is going to live right?
 
Xena: Well, yes. Last night when you were out looking for a horse, I looked him over and did a few things to assure you he'll live.
 
Gabrielle nodded and spoke to Xena.
 
Gab: Thanks. Did you notice the horse next to Argo? That's Fabiano.
 
Xena: Yes I noticed him. I brushed him for you. He had knots.
 
Gab: (yawns) Okay. Thankyou.
 
Xena: Where'd you get him.
 
Gab: Some  man named Idase.
 
Xena: Idase?
 
Gab: Yea. He was nice. 103 denars.
 
Xena: 103?! Gee Gabrielle, I didn't ask for a former King's Horse!
 
Gab: I know, but he was the strongest and the biggest. The only one that could fit Joxer and I both.
 
Xena: Rent or permanently?
 
Gab: Whatever.
 
Xena: Something wrong Gabrielle?
 
Gab: No, not really. Just tired. I think I'm sick.
 
Xena: Oh, you'll be fine. Maybe it's from walking in the snow last night. Especially with no coat.
 
Gab: Hey Xena? What are we going to do about Hercules?
 
Xena: He's definitely made his way out of whatever Callisto did to him. He's very smart.
 
Gab: Aren't we going to see if he's alright?
 
Xena: Yes, but I was planning on waiting until Joxer, Ares, and Iolaus woke up.
 
Gab: Oh, Okay.
 
Xena: So,
 
Gab: So,
 
The noise that broke Xena and Gabrielle's silence was Joxer's moaning.
 
Xena: Morning Joxer.
 
Joxer: Good morning. I'm ready. Let's go.
 
Gab: Go where?
 
Jox: To save Hercules.
 
Xena: Were you awake for our little conversation before?
 
Jox: Nope. But Hercules is tied up in Athens and we gotta get 'em back!
 
Xena: Well, we have to wait until Iolaus and Ares wake up.
 
Jox: Oh yea.
 
Gab: I'm not waiting that long. Ares, who cares if he wakes up or not?! Iolaus, well, he might never wake up!
 
Xena: He'll wake up! If you want, we can wait until Iolaus wakes up then we'll leave.

Gab: Fine...
 
It was a little while before Iolaus woke up. When he did, Gabrielle was scribbling on her "Xena Scrolls" and didn't even notice his awakening. She heard him move when he walked over to Xena and Joxer. She jerked her head up and made an attempt for her staff before she realized it was him.
 
Gab: Iolaus? Iolaus! Your okay! Thank the Gods.
 
Gabrielle sighed and got up to hug him. She stopped before she did and they shook wrists instead.
 
Xena: How are you feeling?
 
Iolaus: Great, thanks to you.

Jox: Well, let's hit the road.
 
Iolaus: Hit the road?
 
Xena: Yea, Joxer wants to save Hercules. So, we're gonna go save Hercules.
 
 Iolaus: Hercules doesn't need saving. He's probably -
 
Gabrielle knew what he was going to say. " He's probably halfway here already!" She didn't want him to say that. Because she knew it would make Joxer think he wasn't needed (which he wasn't) and they didn't want him to go running around Greece looking for more people to travel with. You know, he could've been killed. So, Gabrielle put her hand on Iolaus' mouth and finished his sentence. 
 
Gab: He's probably screaming for us right now.
 
Jox: So, let's go! We can't leave poor Hercules all by himself tied up in Athens!
 
So, off they went... Hercules was just walking up the trail in the forest when they left. When they found him, They all went back to the barn.
 
Herc: So, thanks for coming to save me everyone. I really didn't-
 
Again Gabrielle finished his sentence.
 
Gab: You really didn't expect us to come to your rescue and you thank us very much.
 
Herc: Yea, that's it Gabrielle.

When the five reached the barn again, Ares was sharpening a sword he had found.
 
Herc: Mortal? Oh Zeus!
 
Xena: I told you on the way home!
 
Herc: You actually thought I believed you?
 
Xena: Yes!
 
Herc: Nope, didn't believe you for a second!

Gab: Well, he's up.
 
Iolaus: Yep.
 
Gabrielle went back to scribbling on her "Xena Scrolls". Xena continued to polish her sword and Iolaus and Hercules ate what was left of the breakfast Xena, Gabrielle, and Joxer ate. Suddenly, the ground started to shake. Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at Xena. Xena knew what they wanted. She looked outside and saw nothing. She put her head to the ground and everybody exept her, Hercules and Ares had a slight look of fear on their faces. Ares saw this look and smiled. He just loved the smell of the fear in the room. Xena lifted her head and looked at everyone.
 
Xena: Horses...
 
Ares: There are no horses!
 
Herc: She's right. Horses.
 
Gab: We can handle horses...I hope.
 
Xena: We can handle them if we all work hard.
 
Gab: ALL??? How many horses are there?!
 
Xena: Hundreds...maybe thousands.
 
Gab: What?!?!
 
Herc: You heard her. This is a problem.
 
Jox: Mommy!
 
Ares: Don't be a baby.
 
Iolaus: Shut up Ares.
 
Ares backed up.
 
Xena: Alright. This is no time for arguing. I can't even tell which way there going.
 
Gab: Obviously there coming here!
 
Xena: Probably. I mean, I don't know if there coming from the North, South, East, or West.
 
Gab: Well. Now check, there probably closer.
 
Xena put her head to the ground again.
 
Xena: Well, there much closer and there coming from the North.
 
Herc: So what are we in here for?! Let's get out there!!!
 
Gab: Xena, I'll go tell the people here to evacuate from there homes and get them to a shelter.
 
Xena: If your going to do that, take Iolaus with you...Hercules, help me. Joxer...you...um, go with Gabrielle and Iolaus.
 
Iolaus: C'mon Joxer!
 
Gabrielle was already telling the villagers what to do.
 
Jox: Coming..
 
Ares: What do I do?
 
Xena: Umm, Stand by and..do say if something's coming!!!
 
Soon enough, the horses stomped on by and had themselves a little party. Xena and Hercules distracted the horses the other way until all the villagers and their children were safely in another village. Xena hopped on Argo and that made the fight with one horse a little more equal. Hercules used Fabiano for the time being...Back in the other village...
 
 
Gab (to a young woman about Gab's age): Ma'am, you'll be fine...Don't worry.Your son will be fine. And will your husband.
 
Young Woman: I'm not worried about my husband. He went to work for Ares years and years ago. So I just have my son.
 
Gab: Then who was that other man I saw you with?
 
Young Woman: That was my brother. He helps me take care of my son.
 
Gab: Oh, well he'll be fine. Don't worry ma'am.
 
Young Woman: Please, call me Cydina.
 
Gab: Alright.
 
Gabrielle went over to Iolaus and they spoke for a little while...
 
Iolaus: Who were you talking to?
 
Gab:Oh, No one..just another woman named Cydina whose family was torn apart by that monster, Ares.
 
Iolaus: Funny. I was just talking to somebody whose family was also torn apart by Ares.
 
Gab: Uh, he disgusts me. You know?
 
Iolaus: I DO know.
 
By Joxer...
 
Jox(to the kids) : Joxer the mighty, he's nice and -
 
Gabrielle Interrupted. 
 
Gab: C'mon Joxer. I told you not to leave our sight. 
 
Jox: But I was having fun.
 
Gab: Tell me, when I care..
 
Gabrielle dragged Joxer by the collar over to Iolaus.
 
Gab: watch 'em?
 
Outside...
 
Xena: Herc?!!!
 
Herc: Yep?!!
 
Xena: How ya doin' over there?!!
 
Herc: So far so good,
 
The two were fighting beyond imagination.
 
Xena: Good...
 
Herc: Where is everybody?
 
Xena shrugged which was hard because she was also trying to beat this guy into flour and pound him into pieces. As for Hercules? He was winning by an inch. He was fighting just a man which would've much easier if it weren't for the wounds he had already had from Callisto's beating earlier.
 
Xena: I think there inside the shelter in the village to the South.
 
Herc: Athens?!
 
Xena: I said SOUTH!!!! Not East!!!
 
Herc: Sorry!!!! Jeez.
 
Xena: Listen bud, I think we should hold the talking 'till the end of the fight 'cos this is getting out of control!!!
 
Herc: If there is an end!
 
Xena: I said Shut-up!
 
The reason why these two are screaming (so you don't think there at each other's throats) is because there fighting quite a distance from each other. Inside the other village...
 
Iolaus: You stay by me until Gabrielle gets back, Joxer.
 
Joxer: Well, where'd she go? She really annoys me.
 
Iolaus: No she doesn't, Your feelings give you away, Joxer. You love her.
 
Joxer: Do not. Well, a little, maybe half of the time, kinda, sorta, alot, very much...Okay Okay I love her. Do not talk or I will play darts with your insides and hang your body in a Greek Temple!
 
Iolaus: Right, Right...
 
Joxer: I will, I'm not bluffing.
 
Iolaus: Oh I believe you; Totally; But you'd have to fight me first.
 
Joxer: Grrr.
 
Joxer tried to puff up like a Great Dane.
 
Iolaus: Sit down.
 
Joxer frowned and sat down. Outside...
 
Xena: You think your so bright-eyed and tuff huh, Big guy?(to a man on a horse).
 
Man: Don't talk foolish woman! You'll get killed.
 
Xena: Oooh, shakin' in my boots (smacks across the neck with sword) .
 
Man: Ugh!
 
Xena: One down, how many more to go, Herc?
 
Herc: According to the most recent census...6 and a half.
 
Xena: A half?
 
Herc: Well, His legs are cut off. He lives.
 
Xena: That should be easy to take care of.
 
Herc: Very easy.
 
Now,Xena didn't mind the chit-chat...They were winning, and they were winning good. Xena took one man, being tired of the fresh mouth of him, she ran him through. Herc took on one man, but wanted to have a little fun. First, he jumped on his shoulders and kept kicking him in the chest, then he flipped the guy around one time, and then he finally cut his throat. Xena handled two more, as did Hercules the other two remaining. Then when they were done, they wiped there foreheads, and crept up to the half man-half nothing. They looked at him.
 
Man:Please! Spare me?!!? I'll leave and won't tell anyone about you two! Your secret is safe with me!
 
Xena: What secret?
 
Herc: Yeah?! What secret?
 
Man: What Secret!!!? You two work for Callisto right? That's who we were attacking. That's why you were fighting us, you were defending Callisto right?
 
Xena and Herc exchanged looks of helpless fools.
 
Xena: Do you mean we actually beat up a bunch of people that were after Callisto?!?!
 
Man: You didn't know?
 
Herc: Oh, Just great, great Xena! What were you thinking?
 
Xena: Me? Oh right, "According to the most recent census, 6 and a half," Please!
 
Herc: You were the one running them through by the second they came up to you!
 
Xena: It..It's not my fault, what we have to worry about now is trying to stop Callisto. All those men on her would've bought us time but now you had to go screw things up and start fighting!
 
Herc: Well, You were the first one to kill!
 
Xena: It's my nature!
 
The two went on fighting about how much the other had messed up by beating and killing all those other guys. Especially since they were after Callisto.
 
Herc: Well, why didn't you use pressure points or something? Then they would've mentioned they were after Callisto!
 
Xena: I admit it, sometimes I make mistakes. But YOU! You, you, you, you, you!!!
 
Herc: Don't even talk about me!
 
Ares stomped up behind both of them and practically died. He overheard everything. After all, he was just standing a few feet away checking in all directions for something that would never come.
 
Ares: Pardon me but, I couldn't help over hearing. AAAHHHH!!!!!! YOU JUST KILLED THOUSANDS OR MAYBE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE AAGGAAIINNSSTT CALLISTO????!!!! (to himself) Well, They don't get much stupider than this do they?!!!!
 
Herc & Xena: Oh Shut-up!
 
Inside the barn, after Xena, Herc, and Ares got inside, they sulked. When Joxer came in, (because he was kicked out by Gabrielle and forced to walk ahead; annoying) they sulked sommore. When Gabrielle arrived with Iolaus...They had completely stopped the laughing, talking, everything. They looked. At Xena, Herc, Ares, and Joxer. "What happened?!" Gabrielle demanded. "Callisto has struck again." Hercules told her. "I don't care! What happened with those men?" "I told you, Callisto. They were against her!" "So, we have an army now? Great!" "You don't get it, do you. We hadn't found out that they were against Callisto until Xena killed them all!" "You, killed all of them without using pressure points, Xena? What kinda Warrior Princess are you?!?!?!" Gabrielle was practically screaming. Ares laughed. "It wasn't just me! Hercules killed most of them!" Xena said queerly. "Heh heh heh, you really are something aren't you Warrior Princess?" Hercules said walking toward her. "You gotta problem, tough guy?" "Well, maybe I do!" Herc got closer. Xena stood up. "Then maybe, just maybe. You better start showing your strength." "You wanna piece of me, Eh?" "Yea, prove you can beat ME. Prove your strength, Son of Zeus!" "You asked for it." Hercules picked up Joxer's sword and looked at it. "Eeew." He looked around. He dropped Joxer's sword and grabbed Gab's staff which was lying against the wall. "Hey give that back!" Gabrielle yelled. She grabbed Herc's arm as Xena drew her sword."No, I'll give it back, Just hold on, I've got to shred you friend into bits and bury her body where no one will ever find it!" "Not before I grind you to flower and sprinkle you onto my sandwiches!" "You don't have the guts, Little princess." "Who you callin' little, big guy?" Xena cried. Ares was still laughing. Gabrielle stopped the commotion.
 
Gab: Alright! Alright! Enough. Herc, you sit over there. (Points to the block of hay on the other side of the room.) Xena, you sit over there. (Points to the block of hay near Argo and Fabiano.)
And neither of you cross each others lines until you can shake wrists. Ya heard me, DO NOT CROSS THAT LINE!!!!
 
 
Xena: There is no line.
 
Gab: Well, Ugh, I'll...Um, Kinda..Make one? Whatever the matter, when the line is there, DO NOT CROSS IT!!!
 
Hercules laughed.
 
Herc: I promise.
 
Herc crossed his heart sarcastically.
 
Joxer was in the corner being completely ignored and fine with it.
 
Jox: I'm fine with this and all, But what about me? I'm on one side, Can I cross over to the other?
 
Gab: Ya know, Joxer. You're right You should stay here at all times and watch them.
 
Gabby said that just to play with their nerves.
 
Ares: Goodbye. I'm going to get a drink. I can't take you guys. You bug me. How do you mortals stand it?
 
Xena: The correct way to put it is, "How do us mortals stand it?" And the answer is..."We don't."
 
Herc: Yea, Ares. Our life isn't as bad as you make it out to be.
 
Iolaus: 'Scuse me, but. I think the line is a silly idea. How is Xena gonna get out the door? It's on Herc's side. And how is Hercules supposed to get to the food stash? It's on Xena's side!
 
Gab: I'll bring the food to Hercules myself.
 
Iolaus: Don't tell me your going to carry Xena out the door too?
 
Gab: The door is her problem.
 
Xena: That can easily be fixed.
 
Xena got out her whip.
 
Ares: Uh-Oh.
 
Xena smirked and looked at the roof. She put the whip away and got up.
 
Xena: Aha!!
 
Xena squatted down and looked at everybody. They were very curious. She smiled. Ares hid his eyes like a baby.
 
Xena: Oh, Stop it, Ares.
 
Xena finally let the suspense stop and flipped up about two million times, (as usual!) crashed through the top of the barn, and Gabrielle went over to Xena's spot where she had just flipped out. She looked up. Way Up. There was Xena. Fifty thousand miles up in the air. Still flipping.
 
Gab: Nothing I haven't seen before.
 
Ares left the barn. Hercules sat down on his side and played with the action figures he ha d picked up off a salesman in Athens of him and Iolaus. Joxer looked at his plastic armor. Gabrielle wrote a new story. In an hour guess who flipped down onto the roof of the barn and sounded like a squirrel running around up there making everybody crazy trying to set traps for it and eat it for dinner for a couple of hours? If you guessed Snoopy; good guess, but I'm afraid not. It was Xena. For hours she was up there making Gabby,Iolaus,Ares,Herc, and especially Joxer.
 
Jox: I want my mommy , Gabrielle. I'm scared. What's up there?
 
Gab: I don't know, but it's driving me nuts. (to the roof) I'm trying to write here! Can't you get it, squirrel!!!???!!!???
 
Ares: Your such a baby Joxer.
 
Herc: Oh, be quiet Ares. You were exactly like him when you were a teen. I remember. Scary thought.
 
Gab: I can imagine.
 
Ares: Oh Shut-up Gabrielle!
 
Gab: Make me!
 
Ares: Don't mind if I do!
 
Gab: Gimme your best shot, Mortal!
 
Ares: Oh, don't start with that!
 
Gab: Ya know?.........Ya know?........... Ya know? I'm not going anywhere with this, am I?
 
Ares: Nope, Can't say you are.
 
Gab: Them lemme get off that, Um, What was I saying? Oh Yea. I can start with anything I wanna start with!
 
Ares: Oh yea?!
 
Gab: Yea!
 
While Gabrielle and Ares argued, Iolaus and Hercules were in the corner complaining to each other about the noise on the roof.
 
Herc: What is that?
 
Iolaus: I don't know!
 
Herc: let me go check it.
 
Iolaus: no, you'll get yourself killed!
 
Herc: Are you saying you lost your faith in me?
 
Iolaus: No, just that just  saying I don't want you to get killed!
 
Herc: Listen, Mother. I can handle checking a roof!
 
Iolaus: G'head, get yourself killed, It's not like I care!!
 
Herc: Oh you'll care when I'm done with ya!
 
Iolaus: Is that a threat?
 
Herc: what if it is?
 
Iolaus: I don't have time to play the what-if game! All I wanted was to know what the noise on the roof was!
 
Herc: But you won't let me check it!
 
Iolaus: I am! You  haven't moved yet!
 
Herc: Why do I have to?
 
Iolaus: Because you said you would!
 
Herc: What are ya chicken?
 
Iolaus: Fine! I'll go check!
 
Herc: The path is all yours, buddy!
 
Iolaus: Fine!
 
Herc: Fine!
 
You see? Xena, mischief maker now has more work than she bargained for. Finally, she couldn't stand the "Go ahead, Chicken! Just trot along there and find our dinner on the roof!" coming from Hercules. Or the "Fine!" constantly coming out of Iolaus' mouth. The, "Blonde, brat!" from Ares, The" You can't talk like that to a lady!" from Gabby, or the "Mommy. I'm scared. I want to go home. Please take me home. Please? I'm going to...to....(sniff) cry!" from Joxer either, so ya know what she did she sat down on the roof and stopped making the racket.Suddenly every single noise stopped.
 
Gab: What the? What in Tartarus was that?
 
Ares: That was the sound of nothing, dummy.
 
Herc: Duh.
 
Iolaus: Duh isn't a word Herc:
 
Jox: Was that bad?
 
Herc: Duh.
 
Iolaus: Where did you hear that stupid word, anyway?
 
Herc: Some kids on the street were saying it. Alot of them. It sounded like the coolest thing for all the next generations to come.
 
Iolaus: Oh, well it sound idiotic.
 
Jox: I want my mother!
 
Gab: I wanna know why that why the noise stopped.
 
Ares: I think I know.
 
Gab: Yea? Ya do, smart guy? Yea. what is it, huh? 
 
Ares: It's dinner.
 
Gab: Well, duh!
 
Herc: That's my line, Gabby.
 
Gab: Sorry, Herc. It slipped outta my mouth. Cool word.
 
Iolaus grasped his hand and wiped his brow.
 
Iolaus: You all drive me nuts!
 
Gab: Really?
 
Ares: I'm gonna kill that that thing!
 
Gab: I dare you.
 
Ares: Fine!
 
Ares grabbed Xena's sword which was still where she had left it after flipping up a million feet.
 
Ares: This will do the trick.
 
Ares took the sword, held it and stuck it through the roof where  where the noise had just stopped.
 
"Yaa!" was all that was heard on the roof. "What?" and "Oh my Zeus?!" was all that was heard inside. "Jeez people! What's the big idea?" Xena cried. "I was just having a little fun." she finished. Ares rolled his eyes. "I could've killed you!" "Yea right, Ares." Xena said. "It's true." "No, It's not. You couldn't kill me if I asked you to." "Sure. Hey, you wanna come down here? It's kind of hard talking to the sky." "Sorry." Xena peered through the hole in the roof . She jumped through it and made the hole much bigger.
 
Gab: Oh great. It's going to snow tonight! Now what?
 
Ares: Your the thinker, Use your acorn brain and figure it out.
 
Gab: Would you cut the bad insults?
 
Ares: What are the magic words?
 
Gab: Die if you don't.
 
Ares: Good enough for me.
 
Ares walked over to the hay and sat down. 
 
Ares: I don't mind if we freeze to death. I really don't care much at all.
 
Gabby had a look in her eye that kind of wanted to help Ares with that freezing to death part. Ares looked at Gabby.
 
Ares: Don't even think about it.
 
Gabby: Heh,
 
Xena: Cut it out, guys. We really, really, don't have time for that. We have to repair the roof.
 
Gab was standing under the roof. She gasped.
 
Xena: What?
 
Iolaus looked at her.
 
Iolaus: Snowing, dear Gabby?
 
Gab: Ahh! Yes snow.
 
Xena: We've gotta move fast!
 
Xena had given out commands for getting food, water, wood, and blankets. She, herself did some repairing of the roof. Once they all had gotten back, Xena counted everyone and noticed Ares was missing. They all went to get Ares. Herc didn't mind if he hadn't survived out on his own. Iolaus wasn't crazy about getting him back either. Joxer was too confused about everything. He really didn't think they were doing anything important. Xena was focused and wasn't letting anything get in her way of keeping Callisto away from the powers of Ares.Gabby thought letting Callisto stay Goddess of War was pretty stupid too; so she went along with Xena's plans. As they were walking through town, Callisto appeared right in front of them.
 
Callisto: I pity you all.
 
Gab: Don't.
 
Call: Well, I do. I know where Ares is. He's in my chambers unable to get out. You can help him, you know. Just give me the Hind's Blood Dagger.

Xena: Ha. Keep him in your bloody chambers. I don't want him.
 
Everyone looked at Xena. Hercules stepped up. Then Iolaus. Then Gabby. Finally Joxer.
 
Gabby: We wouldn't give you the Hind's Blood Dagger if we wanted  to.
 
Herc: Keep the guy.
 
Iolaus: Yea, teach him a thing or two.
 
Jox: And then, punch him!

Now it was Joxer who got the stares.

Call: Iolaus?Hercules? I thought I was through with the both of you.
 
Iolaus: Yea, we don't go down without a fight; Callisto!
 
Call:Oh, but hon? We did fight! Now, Are you willing to give me the dagger and I'll give you Ares as a mortal, or shall I kill him, remain Goddess of War and make your lives miserable and get the dagger anyway?
 
Callisto pointed her finger to the ground. Some men who worked for her brought Ares up on a cross. She walked over to him and put her finger on his head.
 
Call: Your choice.
 
Xena: I choose, We keep the dagger, you give Ares his powers, and we all live happily ever after.
 
Call: That will not happen.
 
Xena: Trust me, it will.
 
Callisto: Gimme that dagger!!!!!
 
Callisto jumped on Xena and searched her outfit for the dagger--- it was no where to be found. Callisto, being over Xena, and Xena, being stuck under Callisto, made Ares laugh.
 
Xena (yelling at the top of her lungs from under Callisto): Shut-up or I won't get you out of that thing!!!!!!!!!!

Call: Your not going to get him out of there anyway!
 
Callisto rolled over and sat on the floor. She sighed, blew the hair out of her face and looked at Xena who was also sitting down and scratching her cheek tiredly.
 
Call: Xena? Where is it? I just want this one little thing. I'm bored fighting you. No one ever wins.
 
Xena: I don't have it.
 
Call: What?!
 
Xena (pointing to Ares): He has it.

Call: Are you serious?

Xena: As serious as they come.
 
Everyone looked at Ares.
 
Ares: I'm so glad I have sleeves.
 
Ares opened his hand and the dagger fell out of his sleeve.
 
Call: How'd you get that? You told me Xena had it!

Ares: What? Are you telling me you actually thought we talk during our spare time? No! We plan. We get under the facts.
 
Xena: Shhh. Your giving away all my secrets.(says sarcastically)
 
Ares: Oh, (also speaking sarcastically)
 
Xena: Well?
 
Ares: Oh yeah..
 
Ares threw the Hind's Blood Dagger in the air hoping for it to land in Xena's hands...which it did.
 
Xena: Ahh. Perfect.
 
Call: I do not think so!
 
Xena grabbed Callisto's arm which was just within reach. She pulled Callisto closer so that Xena's hand was around Callisto's neck.
 
Xena: Don't mess w ith me, Callisto. Give Ares his powers back.
 
While Callisto and Xena talk, Ares is over there, punching the heck outta these men. Hercules cut him loose and almost fainted when he did.
 
Call: I shall never, ever, give them back, you kill me, gone will all his powers be.
 
Xena: No, ya see. Your afraid to die. You don't wanna die. You won't die. You refuse to die. I can kill you.
 
Cal: So what, I'll always be back here. Every time you turn around!!!
 
Xena: Not this time...I could very easily let you live. If I kill you, Hades agreed not to let you go this time. You'll be stuck there.
 
Call: Really?
 
Xena: Give the powers back and I'll let you live.
 
Call: ................
 
Xena punched Callisto unconscious. Back by Ares...
 
Ares: C'mon, boy. Let's go!
 
Sickly man: Your actually helping Xena?
 
Ares: No time for small talk, No one threatens the God of War!
 
Sickly Man: Your not the God of War anymore!
 
Ares: Yea, well no one threatens Ares: Me !!!!!!
 
Ares beat the guy up and and cut him a little. One challenge came by the six...a man went up to Ares and they started fighting. Since Callisto was unconscious, Xena threw her chakram and made a mistake. A big one. No one, I say no one, expected it. This is how it went:
Ares is fighting this big hairy man,
Xena sees a man in his 20's behind Ares ready to kill him.
Xena takes out her chakram and readies to chop the top of the man's sword off.
Xena throws the chakram.
The man sees the chakram in the corner of his eye...
This is the part no one expects. The man turns from Ares and catches the chakram!
Impossible, right? Xena stood there. Looking as if she had just killed child.
 
Xena: Who are you?!
 
Man: Hello Xena. It's been too long.
 
Xena: I don't recognize you.
 
The fighting kept going with everyone. Ares found someone new to pick a fight with. Herc, Iolaus, and Gab kept fighting. Joxer watched from a safe distance. He used the words "My strength needs a rest. I'll be back to my normal heroic strength in no time." to stay out of everything. Xena and the man were not fighting. Not fighting with each other or anyone else. Just looking at each other. The man smiling, Xena had a look of fear. Not "I'm scared" fear, but
curious fear.
 
Man: Oh, you've got to remember me Xena.
 
Xena: No. No, I don't.
 
Man: Think, village,  razed, by your hand? Oh that's right, you don't bother to care who you kill.
 
Xena: I don't know what your talking about, but I've changed. How did you learn to catch a chakram?
 
Man: Xena, you might not  know it, but you taught me how.
 
Xena: What?
 
Man: I  was a young boy. Your friend in Amphipolis. You were such an innocent girl. Then...
 
Xena: Then what?

Man: Well, isn't it obvious? You killed for the first time. Right  in front of me, too. You made an army out of your people! You counted on me, so you taught me everything you had learned. You
remember. You just can't bring yourself to admit it!
 
Xena: I DON'T REMEMBER!

Man: You do. Your brother, Xena.

Xena: What about him.

Man: Lyceus. What a shame to have such a violent sister.

Xena: What's your name and what are you trying to pull?

Man: My name is Lyceus. I'm trying to prove that you killed me.

Xena: Your not Lyceus and didn't kill him. If you were Lyceus, you'd know it was one of Cortese's men who killed you. Plus, you don't even look like Lyceus.
 
Man: It's called rebirth. And if it weren't for you..I'd still be alive.
 
Xena: Xena: Don't you even try and tell me your Lyceus. I know what your doing.
 
Man: Really? What?!
 
Xena: Your getting me angry!
 
Gab (who took a break from fighting): Uh-Oh.

Xena ran and kicked the man in the face and tried to use pressure points. Instead, the man rolled over and kicked her in the stomach. She fell on her back and he used pressure points her. She undid herself.
 
Xena: Where'd you learn that?

Man: You.

Xena: What's your real name, I'm asking. Just tell me the truth.
 
Man: You expect me to believe that?

Xena: Yes.

The man suddenly got less forceful. The face of death on his face was replaced by a look of sorrow. He moved to the other side of Xena and Xena sat up.

Xena: Why did you tell me you were Lyceus?
 
Man: My real name is Zsyth. I'm sorry, Xena. I can see you've changed. I wanted to scare you. I thought it'd be easy to kill you if you thought I was your brother.
 
Xena: I'm not that stupid...kill me? Why would you...want...to...kill, nevermind. I probably razed your village or killed your siblings or something. I'm sorry.
 
Zsyth: Don't worry. Really. It's fine. I can see by you fighting Callisto, you've changed.
 
Xena: Your not working for Callisto?
 
Zsy: No! No! I just thought that man was your friend, and I...
 
Xena: Wanted to kill him, right? Well, he's not my friend and I don't mind if he gets killed. He's Ares.
 
Zsy: ARES?!?!? No way! His powers, are gone?
 
Xena: Yeah. I'm supposed to be helping him get the powers back. Just so that Callisto doesn't stay with his powers. Greece would be destroyed if she had that kind of control.
 
Zsy: Yeah, your probably right. I guess by now you have some questions. Your friends seem to have stopped fighting, I can answer all of them, now. Come, we'll talk.
 
Xena: Wait, come with me. We could use your help, anyway.
 
Zsyth nodded and followed Xena who was rubbing her head from the headache she had gotten. Once everyone was in the barn, Xena and the others sat down. Zsyth stood up. Xena looked at him curiously. She opened her mouth to ask something, but Gabrielle asked for her.
 
Gab: Where in Zeus name did you learn to catch a chakram?
 
Zsyth: Actually, Xena did teach me. Your wrong, Xena. You didn't raze my village. You didn't kill my siblings. I don't believe you would do this again, but you helped me to kill them myself. After that, when I realized why I had killed them, I remembered that I was trained by you. I blamed you for everything. You were the one to teach me about the chakram, you were the one that taught me how to use pressure points. You were my personal trainer. You were the one that helped me kill my baby sister, Alixan. You helped me kill my older brother, Meteron. You taught me how to kill my father, Gion, and my mother, Helena. I blamed you after I realized what I had done. I wanted total control over you.
 
Gab (turns to Xena): I had no idea you were so...so...
 
Xena: So, violent, so terrible, so hurtful? I was all that and more, Gabrielle. Trust me. Zsyth, I'm so, so, sorry. I had no attempt of, of making you kill all those friends and family of yours. Well, I don't have that attempt anymore, anyway. It was probably what I lived for, then.
 
Again Xena opened her mouth to ask a question after a few minutes, but Hercules asked for her.

Herc: How'd you know about Lyceus?
 
Before Zsyth could answer, Xena finally asked something.....to Hercules.
 
Xena: How did you know about Lyceus?
 
Herc: You told me.
 
Iolaus: I was there.
 
Xena: My mind isn't working very well.
 
Zsyth: Excuse me, Can I answer now?
 
Xena nodded.
 
Zsyth: Well, I was  not lying about being your friend in Amphipolis. We were friends. When Lyceus died and you were blamed, you got banned from your village. I followed you after you left. You found me and I asked for your help to kill my family. That's how it all began.

Gab: I am so glad, you changed.

Ares: Hmph. I'm not.
 
Xena: Well you can go to---
 
Gab: Enough! Enough! Back off, people.
 
Zsyth: Well, have I answered all your questions?
 
Xena: I have to go.
 
Herc: Me too.
 
Iolaus: Where you guys going?
 
Herc: I don't know. I just figured I'd go.
 
Jox: Well, Well, I think I'll go too.
 
Gab: Then I'm going.
 
Iolaus: Well I'm not staying here!
 
Zsyth: Ugh,  I'm not staying here with him!
 
Ares: I feel just loved.
 
Xena: Fine, Ares. Stay here. Get killed. I really don't care.
 
Ares: Well, where are you going?
 
Xena: To get Callisto. (Xena looked outside) She's still lying out there.
 
Herc: I thought this was a big trip!
 
Xena: A big trip outside , yea.
 
Gab: Ugh! I'll stay inside.
 
Iolaus & Joxer sat down.
 
Herc: You'll be back, I'll just wait here.
 
Zsyth: Outside?
 
Zsyth sat down also.
 
Ares: I knew it.
 
Xena: Be right back.
 
A few minutes later, Xena brought in Callisto by her hands. Callisto was covered in dirt, she looked like a pile of dirt.
 
Herc: Ouch.
 
Ares: What happened to her?
 
Xena: Well, for starters...if I had some help from two people I know, she wouldn't look like this! I wouldn't have had to drag her!
 
Ares: Who would those two people be?
 
Herc: Shut-up, Ares. She means us, idiot.
 
Xena: Well, you wanna help me now?
 
Ares: No.
 
Herc: With what?
 
Xena: Just..like....put her somewhere.
 
Hercules got up, picked Callisto up, and laid her on some hay.
 
Herc: That'll keep her.
 
In about about an hour of listening to Zsyth's adventures and seeing him off, back to his home, Callisto woke up.
 
Callisto: Uhh, Where am I?
 
Xena quickly heard her and grabbed the Hind's Blood Dagger. She ran over to Callisto.
 
Xena: Mornin' Sunshine.
 
Callisto: What? Wait, hold on,
 
Callisto shut her eyes, breathed in and out twice and opened her eyes.
 
Callisto: Who are you?
 
Ares: YOU DON'T KNOW HER?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Oh C'mon!
 
Callisto: No, who are you?
 
Xena: Callisto?
 
Call: Is that your name? It's pretty.

Xena and the others looked at each other and Xena smiled.
 
Xena: Amnesia.
 
Gab: Everyone sing for joy!
 
Callisto: Amnesia?

Xena: No, your name is Callisto. My name is Xena, and you forgot who you are which means you have amnesia.
 
Callisto: For got who I was? If that's true, who am I?
 
Xena: I just told you, your Callisto.
 
Call: I'm your friend?
 
Ares: What are you, crazy? Friend? Ha! You her--
 
Xena: Best friend! Nw, can you do me a favor?
 
Call: Sure, friend.
 
Xea: Call me Xena. I want you to lift your finger, point to Ares, and think "God of War".
 
Call: Sure.
 
Callisto did what Xena said and nothing happened.
 
Xena: Try it agina!
 
Call: Okay.
 
Callsito did it again and nothing happened.
 
Ares: C;mon Callsito! Third times a charm.
 
Call: Uh-huh..
 
This time, Callisto did what Xena had told her and something did happen. The powers were thrown from Callisto to Ares. He was normal in his own Godly way.
 
Call: Excuse me, I feel wierd.
 
Xena: It's the powers. There gone, now. You only have your own powers.
 
Call: Does everyone have powers?
 
Xena: No.
 
Herc: Now that he's back, I think it's time Iolaus and I move on.
 
Xena nodded.Iolaus: We'll see ya around. Bye Gabrielle. Bye Xena. See you all.
 
Herc: Goodbye everyone.
 
Herc and Iolaus left the barn. Joxer, Gabrielle, Xena, Ares and Callisto were there.
 
Ares: What can I say?
 
Gabby: You can say Goodbye.
 
Gabby started to push Ares out the door and Xena laughed. Ares  disappeared and Gabby fell on the floor. Ares appeared again later, on the roof! He fixed the roof in one touch.
 
Ares: It was the least I could do,
 
He disappeared and then appeared again.
 
Ares: Oh yea, this never happened.
 
Xena: Go!
 
Ares disappeared.
 
Joxer (pointing to Callisto): What do we do with her?
 
Xena: We watch her.
 
Gabby: Your not saying we...keep her?
 
Xena: That's exactly what I'm saying.
 
Gabby: Oh No.
 
...The End...