WARNING: The following story contains an extreme hottie. If you are not prepared to deal with extreme bravery, mightiness, and just plain awesome looks, do not read this story.

Joxer awoke with a start. Something was wrong, but what? He rolled over and realized what it was. He was alone.

Last time he had checked, Gabrielle had been curled up in between he and Xena. Now they were both gone.

"Sure," he said aloud, "No note, no gentle shake of my mighty body to see if I wanted to go, and the fire’s out."

He realized that he was shivering, so he gathered some wood (they hadn’t even left him any of that), and used the embers of last night’s fire to start a new one.

"That’s better. Now, where would those two run off to so early on Solstice Day?"

He sat upon a rock and assumed the "hand on chin" position he had picked up from Autolycus.

"Solstice presents? No, no. I’m not exactly on the top of their list for that." His stomach growled. "Food? No, there’s plenty of food in Gabby’s pack. Too bad she took it with her."

He stood up and began pacing. It just didn’t make sense. Sure, they didn’t always clue him in to what was going on. Okay, they rarely did. They seemed to enjoy playing "String Along the Joxer." But to do it on Solstice Day? There must be trouble. He stopped in mid-step.

"Oh, why didn’t I think of that immediately? There’s big trouble somewhere and I have to find it. I can be a big help."

Joxer gathered his things, banked the fire, and set off down the nearest road. It was a short walk to the next town; he’d go there and ask around.

It wasn’t long until he saw a sign reading ‘Duopolis: One Mile.’

"Ah, good. I’ll be in Do—Du—um, I’ll be in town before I know it."

Upon reaching Duopolis, Joxer was greeted by the sights and sounds of any joyous occasion. His stomach rumbled again as he caught a whiff of baking ham.

"No warrior should search for trouble on an empty stomach."

He followed his nose to the source of the smell, which turned out to be the local tavern. This was fortunate, for that was the first place he intended to ask about Xena and Gabby.

He found a corner table (one of the few pieces of advice his father had ever given him was "always sit with your back to the wall") and scanned the room. It was nearly empty, consisting of only the bartender, and old woman, and three scary-looking men.

‘I’ll have to watch them,’ he thought, ‘My reputation may have preceded me.’

"Wadda you want?"

Joxer jumped, then realized it was only the bartender.

"Hello. I’ll have some of that ham and a cup of mil—er, mead, my good man."

The bartender just grunted, and went about preparing the food.

Before long, Joxer was happily munching away. He decided the best way to start questioning the man was with a compliment. "Goomb hamb."

"What did you say?"

Joxer swallowed. "I said, this is good ham."

"Of course it’s good. What'd ya expect?"

Joxer’s smile faded a little. This wasn’t going to be easy. "So…have you had a lot of business today?"

"Does it look like I’ve had a lot of business today? Shuddup and eat your food."

Okay, maybe the direct approach would work better. Joxer took a deep breath. "I’m looking for a couple of friends of mine—"

"I aint no answering service! Aint you done eating yet?"

This was getting him nowhere. "Well, do you know where I might—"

Joxer stopped mid-sentence. The three men had stood up, and were now glaring at him, weapons in hand. He stood up and began making his retreat to the door. "Um, you know what? I just remembered; I’m late for an appointment."

He tossed a couple dinars on the counter. "Keep the change. I’ll see ya around."

That hadn’t gone well. But at least he’d made it out of there without tripping over anything. As he walked through the town, scanning for his friends, his mind was reeling. ‘Now why wouldn’t those guys want him to ask about his pals?’ It was very strange.

After covering the entire town twice, he decided to check the stables. Maybe the liveryman would remember seeing Argo.

The stables were empty. "Hello? Is anyone here?"

No answer.

He leaned forward with a sigh, resting his elbows on the nearest stall. A hand reached out of the darkness in the stall and grabbed onto his arm. He gasped and stepped back.

"Don’t be afraid, Sonny," a withered old voice said. Rising out of the darkness was the old woman from the tavern. "I won’t hurt you, Lad."

Joxer stood a little taller. "Who are you? What do you want?"

"I have a message. Your friends are in great danger. You must make your way East, to the caves of Eridonas. There it will be revealed what you are to do. But beware! Those who would oppose you are crafty and fierce." She held out a clasped fist. "Take this. It will help you in your journey."

Joxer slowly reached out and took the object. It was merely a stone on a chain; turquoise in color. "What am I going to do with this?" He looked around. "Hello?" The woman was gone. "Hey!"

From the rafters above came her voice one final time, "Never part with it. Trust the stone."

Joxer shuddered. "Now that was weird."

After directing one more furtive glance at the rafters, he left the building and started down the eastern road, inspecting his newly acquired talisman. Staring intently at the stone, he didn’t notice the two men barring his path. THUNK! He ran squarely into the bulbous belly of the bigger man. He took an unsteady step back, and decided an apology was definitely in order. "Uh, I’m terribly sorry, I was just—aaaaah!"

His apology was cut off by the meaty fist that was suddenly wrapped around his throat. It took him a moment to realize that this heathen was speaking to him. "…but if you gave me all your valuables, I might let it pass."

The hand released Joxer, who stumbled backward, and was sent sprawling. He stood up, gasping for breath. "I—I don’t have anything of—of value."

"We’ll be the judges of that," the smaller man broke in.

"Now look,’ said Joxer, reaching for his scabbard, " I don’t want to hurt you. But any warrior as mighty as I must do the same thing in a situation like this."

Three more men came out of the trees at the edge of the road. Joxer swallowed. "And that one thing is…run!"

With that, he bolted into the trees.

"Get him!"

All five of the marauders took chase. In no time they began gaining on Joxer, even though he was literally running for his life. Joxer stumbled and almost dropped his talisman. Knowing that that just wouldn’t do, he promptly placed it around his neck.

Immediately his speed increased. His face broke into a confused smile as he gracefully leapt over a newly fallen tree. The leading marauder wasn’t so lucky. His rear foot caught on a knob, sending him tumbling into a briar patch.

Joxer grinned. Finally, things were going his way. The four remaining men were losing more and more speed. They soon gave up, and sat against some trees.

Though he felt he could keep this speed all day, Joxer slowed to a jog. This was a better thinking speed.

______________________________________________________________________________________

Now, why had those men wanted to rob him? They had to know the difference between a rich man and a poor man. Joxer was obviously the latter. Most of his money had gone to the orphans the day before. He had kept back only enough to keep himself alive on his travels. Someone must have sent them. The old woman had said his adversaries would be crafty.

"But I’m craftier. And with my magic stone to emphasize my natural warrior abilities, I’ll be unstoppable!"

Joxer decided it might be best to stick to the trees for the remainder of his journey. He alternately walked and jogged parallel to the road, staying far enough away to avoid trouble.

As he switched back from jogging to walking, he heard a twig snap. He slowed to a stop, put his foot up on a stump, and pretended to inspect hit boot. Serrupticiously scanning the trees, he could see nothing. Although for a moment he thought he heard a chuckle.

"Must be the animals," he mumbled, and walked on. It was nearly dark; he’d have to find a good place to camp for the night.

"Not a bad camp, if I do say so myself." Joxer poked a stick into his newly lit fire. Too bad he hadn’t thought to pick up some food in town. He’d found some berries along the way; at least they’d keep his energy up. He’d make it to the caves of Eridonas before noon the next day, but he’d need to get an early start.

"Well, early to bed, early to rise. Hey, I should write that down."

Joxer lay down by the fire. He was nearly asleep when he heard it. Whispering. He cocked his head slightly. There seemed to be only two men, whose voices reached him unintelligibly. Confident that he knew the situation, he began to slowly reach for his scabbard. Just as his hand was firmly around the hilt, the two men came creeping into the campsite.

One stopped at his feet, the other near his head. Each raised his sword. Just as they were about to strike, Joxer leapt to his feet. "Ah-ha! Sneak up on a warrior, will you?"

Startled, the men stepped back. They shared a look, glanced at Joxer, then bolted away.

Joxer was confused. No one had ever run from him before, not even when he was at his mightiest. Shrugging it off, he decided it would be better to forgo sleep and continue on.

Following the trail in the dark proved more difficult than he had anticipated. His arms and face were covered with scratches, he’d fallen down more times than he would care to count, and he had dented his helmet on a particularly low branch.

Finally, the trees gave way to a large clearing. Squinting across the field, Joxer could make out a line of cliffs rising up across the way. He spied a particularly dark area of rock. The cave.

Now it could get tricky. He still didn’t know what had happened to Gabby and Xena, nor did he know what obstacles were waiting for him. "Come to think of it, I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do."

Joxer took a deep breath, gave the talisman a cursory squeeze, and began to stealthily cross the field, inching his way toward the cave. He reached the cave without incident. This wasn’t such a bad journey after all. He peered into the blackness that was the mouth of the cave. There wasn’t even a sliver of light.

"I should have brought a torch." Joxer sighed. "Well, nothing else to do but go forward."

He edged his way into the cave, feeling his way along the wall. After about fi e minutes of this, he began to feel dejected. ‘Just how big was this cave, anyway?’

He felt a gentle touch on his chest. "What the—Oh no!" He brought his hand up, "It’s gone!" He dropped to his knees, feeling in the dust. He couldn’t find his talisman anywhere.

"Now what am I gonna do?" He sat down, leaning his back against the wall. It was all over now. He’d just have to go back. Gabrielle and Xena were probably out of whatever predicament they had been in, anyway.

"No, that’s not right. I have to go on. Am I a coward or warrior?" Joxer stood up and took a few cleansing breaths. "Yes, I’m a warrior, and I have to save my friends. They’d do the same for me. "

He moved on, trying not to think of what might lie ahead. He hoped it wasn’t a hydra. He’d heard those things could be nasty. The ocean was near; it could be a sea serpent. His mind reeled with the possibilities.

So deep in his thoughts, he didn’t immediately notice the light up ahead. He saw it just after he heard the noise. It was a low hum. He raised his head to listen, and caught sight of the lighted opening up ahead. It was a turquoise light, being emitted by a very small tunnel near the floor of the wall on his right. He eased up to it, and peeked into the opening.

On the other side of the short tunnel he could see a large cavern. It appeared to be empty, except for a raised stone pedestal in the center. On fop of the pedestal was a large turquoise knapsack. This was the source of both the light and the hum.

He crawled through the tunnel and poked his head out the other side. The cavern was indeed empty. He slid his body out and cautiously walked toward the object.

He was nearly close enough to touch it when he heard a deep voice.

"State your purpose."

Joxer stopped. "What? What are you?"

"STATE YOUR PURPOSE!"

"I-I’m here, that is—" Joxer was cut off.

"STATE YOUR PURPOSE!!!" The crystal thing seemed to be getting angry.

"I—I’m here to save my friends," Joxer stammered.

"A noble cause. How will you achieve it?"

"I don’t know. I wasn’t told what I needed to do. Just to come here."

"All who wish to pass must posses the key."

"K—key? I wasn’t given a key. Maybe you—"

"Without the key you would not have gotten even to the entrance of this cave. Give it to me!!"

"Well, I might have an old key to my father’s castle her somewhere." Joxer began checking his pockets. He noticed a hole near the bottom of the crystal. The shape looked familiar. "The key! You mean the stone!?" His face fell. "Oh, I’m sorry. I lost it in the cave. If I could borrow a torch, maybe—"

"SILENCE! Without the key you will go nowhere!"

Joxer didn’t like the sound of that. He turned toward the tunnel. It was gone.

Now he was angry. "Look! You can’t just trap a guy because he lost a stupid key. I’m on a quest. I suggest you—" The hair on the back of his neck tickled. He dropped to one knee and turned. A large sword had just passed where his head was a moment before.

He rolled away and surveyed this new foe. It was a monster, in the true sense of the word. It was as big as a Cyclops, but with three eyes. The rest of the face was so covered with slime that he couldn’t make much out. Its hands were huge and hairy. Its clothing was tattered, showing a hint of bare ribs underneath. A greenish puss oozed out of the bottom of its burlap pants, dripping onto suspiciously stony-looking feet, which were topped off by large spikes.

Joxer swallowed. There was no way out. He drew his scabbard and prepared to protect himself.

The creature came stomping toward him, sword upraised. As it swung, Joxer rolled between its feet, coming up behind it. His aim was a little off, and he got a nice cut on his back in the process.

He stood, and swung his weapon at the beast’s back. The impact made his teeth rattle, and he almost dropped his scabbard.

"Jeez, what do you have on under there, metal plaiting?"

The creature turned and ginned. It raised an enourmous fist above Joxer’s head, preparing to squash him like a grape. Joxer flipped backward. It was a graceful manuever…until he landed flat on his back. "Ow!"

The monster was stomping toward him again. He noticed that though it was big, it was also slow. He used the crystal as a "home base" of sorts, keeping it between him and the beast. He soon realized that this wouldn’t work as well as he had thought. He had to stay out of the creature’s reach, which meant he had a lot more grount to cover when going around the crystal.

‘This isn’t going well,’ he thought. ‘I have to find a way to defeat this thing, and soon. On top of that, the rock in my boot is killing me.’

Joxer was getting tired, and Mr. Beasty just seemed to be enjoying itself. Suddenly it hit him, "Rock in my boot…stone…the key!"

He awkwardly dept his distance from the creature while hip-hopping his boot off. He reached in and there was the stone. He pulled it out. The creature’s eyes widened. In three more steps he reached the front of the crystal. The creature bellowed, "noooo!" Joxer plunged it into the hole.

The beast gained speed and began chasing Joxer with renewed fury. It didn’t get very far. It grew transparent, and disappeared in a shimmering light. Even in its last instant of existence, it was reaching for Joxer. Then it was gone.

"Whew," Joxer exhaled.

The crystal’s hum grew louder until Joxer was compelled to cover his ears. The cavern began to shake, and the crystal’s light intensified. The rear of the cavern developed a split, which opened into an entrance before Joxer’s eyes. On the other side he saw—

"Gabby!"

Xena and Gabrielle were chained to the cavern wall. As he rushed forward, their chains fell away. The girls rubbed their wrists.

Joxer was elated, "I did it!"

Xena quirked a smile, "Yes, you did."

Joxer smiled.

Gabrielle unexpectedly gave Joxer a big hug. "I knew you could do it."

After a moment of recovering from the hug, Joxer asked, "What happened? Why were you guys chained? How—"

Xena interrupted him. "Later, Joxer. Let’s get out of here."

Xena hung back and let Joxer and Gabrielle lead the way outside. They walked back to Joxer’s camp.

After a nice supper of fried rabbit, during which they had shared their respective tales, Gabrielle was just finishing caring for Joxer’s wound, much to his delight.

"Does it hurt," she asked him.

"No, no, not at all," he lied.

"Good, then would you be a dear and go gather a little more firewood?"

"Oh, sure." Joxer walked away with a slight grimace on his face.

As soon as he was gone, Gabby turned to Xena. "So do you think he liked his Solstice present?’

Xena looked up. "He’d better, for as many dinars as it cost me to set it all up. Confidence is an expensive gift."

"You’re sure he has no idea we were behind it all?"

"Gabrielle, it’s JOXER."

Gabrielle giggled. "Yeah, I guess you’re right."

DISCLAIMER: The story you have just read is a work of fiction. The characters herein are the sole property of Renaissance Pictures, etc. etc. etc. (Call me, Ted, we’ll do lunch.) :o)